Ace Attorney: Skits & Giggles
by dsceptor27
Summary: Small funny or dumb stories revolving around the Ace Attorney cast. Contains spoilers for some AA games.
1. We Got A Pool

The attorney thought he was going insane. For the past several weeks, every time he wanted to do something, it would vanish entirely from his mind, reoccupied with a new task to complete. It's as if his whole entire schedule revolved around these chores, but none were ever done as he constantly shuffled back and forth in the office. Piles of paperwork remained unfinished, he missed one of Trucy's shows, a celebratory dinner and almost forgot to use the bathroom. One time he fell asleep on the floor with his buttocks present to the world as people entered the office, getting a grand view of the oceanic behind of justice. Apollo and Athena would notice how flustered and irritated he became when he would stop at a door frame and ruffle his fingers through his spiky hair in aggravation.

"Ugh! W-Why?! Why can't I remember?!" Phoenix stomped as he would then conveniently go on to whatever he was trying to complete for the day. The two attorney's turned and saw how his fists clenched tightly as he stormed back to his desk, seeing the intermingled fingers block part of his wrinkled frown.

"Boss? Is there something wrong?" Athena asked.

"I just… everytime I remember something to do, it would completely fly away in several seconds!" Phoenix husked.

"Maybe you just need to clear your thoughts." Added Apollo.

"I'm trying, Apollo… I think-" Phoenix stopped. He promptly stood up robotically and walked down the office, turning to the bathroom. Athena and Apollo followed. They saw their boss just about to remove the toilet scrubber and conveniently scrub away at the ceramic thinker seat until he paused, dropped the brush and bolted out the door, almost crashing into them in the process.

"Mr. Wright! Be Careful!" Athena stumbled backward, completely dumbfounded as Phoenix headed towards the office door.

"Mr. Wright! Where are you going?!" Apollo flinched.

"Gotta head to the trial!" He yelped.

"What trial?! We don't have a client!" Athena trounced.

"Don't be silly! Of course we do. And I'm late!"

Phoenix slammed the door. Apollo and Athena remained frozen how their boss just made a picture frame fall off the wall from the crash. Before they could respond, the attorney returned, excitement teeming from his expression. "We got a pool!"

"Wait! WHAT?!" The attorney's shouted. "This is an apartment building! Since when did we have a pool?!"

The crazed attorney ran towards a somehow magically generated pool outside of the office apartment, which was strangely and magically changed to a one story house.

"Somethings not right here…" Apollo squeaked.

"Nonsense!" Phoenix jumped into the fresh water pool with the exquisite technique of Michael Phelps into the water with his suit still on.

"Mr. Wright, there is something weird going on and you're acting like Orla?!" Athena angrily chastised.

"You two need to quit fooling around and...ooops! Gotta make lunch!" Phoenix swam towards the ladder like a professional lifeguard until he hit his head on the concrete border.

"Ow!" Wait… where's the step-ladder?!" He frantically screamed. "It's gone!"

Phoenix panicked. "Help me you two!"

"We can't!" Athena and Apollo wailed.

"WHY THE HELL NOT?!" The blue attorney had a hard time keeping his head above the water.

"We don't know how!"

"Help! Where are you going?! GUYS?!" His arms waved wildly as he saw his employees walk back inside the house.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!"

* * *

"Muahahahaha! Take that, you foolishly foolish fool! You destroyed my perfect record and the cost is your life!"

"Franziska...?" Edgeworth peered over his step sister's shoulders, watching her laugh at the soon to be drowning victim in the computer monitor playing SIMS. "I hope you are aware those are just replicas of the original Wright Agency workers." His finger tapped his bicep lightly as they crossed against his chest.

"Be quiet, little brother!" She scoffed. "If it were legal, I would have done it ages ago! His life is not worth going to jail for!"


	2. Gyaxa Bodywash

"Hello Ladies...Look at your man. Now back to me… Now look at your man. Now back to me…"

"Sadly, he isn't me… But if he stopped using lady scented body wash and switch to Gyaxa, he could smell like me."

"Look down, now back up! Where are you? You're on a spaceship with the man your man could smell like!"

"What's in your hand? Back to me… I have a comet, with two tickets to the galaxy you love… Look again. The tickets are now stars! Anything is possible when your man smells like Gyaxa and not a lady…"

"I'm on a segway..."

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YURI! PUT SOME CLOTHES BACK ON, YOU SENILE OLD MAN!" Simon almost vomited as he saw the cosmic idiot strip for his history making commercial for an official GYAXA body wash.


	3. Need A Hint?

' _How the heck did I get in this mess?'_ The attorney arched forward as sweat trickled down his face and landed on the defense bench.

"He's got us in a corner, Nick!" The medium assertively spoke as she stared at Phoenix. "How do you think we're going to turn this thing around?"

"I don't know, Maya. Edgeworth brought up some really good points." Phoenix shuffled back to a standing position, contemplating on his next move.

 _SLAM!_ The gavel landed.

"If the defense doesn't have any further objections, I do not see why we should further prolong this trial."

"OBJECTION!" Phoenix slammed his hands on the bench as he glared a stern expression across the court. "I need a moment to think." He gave his dumb uncertain smile as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Objection!" Cascaded from the prosecution bench. "Wright, we are all aware that not even you are capable of dismissing the defendant's guilt." Edgeworth crossed his arms.

' _Ugh! Edgworth, why do you always have to point out every flaw?!'_ The blue attorney shook in his shoes. The decisive evidence was heavily incriminating. He was never backed into a corner this badly. All eyes were on him. He had to think quick. There was one last resort he can bring forth. It was worth a try.

Phoenix's eyes turned to Maya.

"Nick?" Maya stifled. "Why are you looking at me like- AH! That tickles!"

Phoenix poked Maya. ' _Nope.'_

He ran across the prosecution bench and poked Edgeworth's cravat. ' _Nope.'_

' _What in blazes is he doing?!'_ Edgeworth thought as he saw his childhood friend giving a pat down around his perimeter.

He poked the defendant, to which the defendant facepalmed, by how Phoenix was acting, he knew he was screwed.

Phoenix scurried around the room and checked every spectator as the gave him the most unamused or worried look. He inspected every nook and cranny. The judge eyed him oddly as Phoenix poked the shining trophy of a bald head on the judge's cranium.

"What on earth? Mr. Wright?! What are you doing?" The judge asked baffled.

The blue attorney turned to the judge before touching the judge's gavel, almost overlapping over the his Honour's lap. He smiled sheepishly at the perplexed judge. "I'm looking for hint coins!"


	4. Worth the Work

A hearty sigh escaped his lips. This was going to be a long night. Everyone was out having fun having a celebration dinner night at Eldoon's noodles, even the prosecution was joining in! while he stood in the office, alone in the dark having to fill in for his boss and Athena's laziness. It just wasn't fair. Why did he have to do all the paperwork this time? He already had to deal with toilet duty and watering Charley, but to be in charge of doing ALL the paperwork alone was borderline to his tolerance. However, one of them never real was a chore, but an honor.

"This is bull!" Apollo grunted as he eyed the menacing pile of paperwork slightly tipping from its weight.

" _It sure is. But it's alright, Apollo. I'm here with you."_

Apollo smirked. "You always get me. I don't know how I'd do it without you."

" _If you hurry up with your work, we can have some fun…"_

The red attorney's eyes shot wide. A blush scattered across his face as the two pointy hair horns dangled forward.

" _Hurry up, Apollo. Don't keep me waiting…"_

That sweet voice teased him. So tantalizing even though he didn't bat an eye in its direction.

He hurried through the paperwork with inhuman speed, the ink almost didn't keep up with his writing motions.

"I'm doing it! I'm doing it! YEEEAAHH! YEEEAAAHHH!"

Apollo practically stabbed the papers with the pen by now. "And some of these! ALMOST THERE ANNNNNNDDDDD!"

"Done…"

He dropped the pen, which was practically fuming smoke from the amount of kinetic energy built up from his darted writing. "Let's see what we got so far…"

She cupped the paperwork in his hands, slightly tapping the top, allowing the paper to fall neatly in place. It was about half way done, he was ready for his break… and for someone else. Apollo went towards his benevolent lover who he eyed constantly whenever the boss and everyone else was around. Yes, they were a little young for his age, but he didn't care. They constantly teased him, applauding every time during his Chords of Steel.

' _You're Apollo Justice and…'_

"I'm fine."

' _Good! Louder!'_

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!"

' _Louder!'_

"I'm Apollo Justice and I'm Fine!"

'Louder!'

"I'M APOLLO JUSTICE AND I'M FINE!"

' _Oh! You're so good at teasing me! Now do it with your hands!"_

Apollo smirked before getting on his knees and caressing the beauty in front of him. They shook softly as his fingers played against the green stem. The leaves ruffled with delight as they felt those lawyer hands work magic. The soil was already wet from his teasing exercise.

"I love you, Apollo!"

"I love you too, Charley."


	5. Like Pa Would

A/N: Requested by a good friend: JordanPhoenix.

* * *

'Maya could never do such a thing!' Phoenix's thoughts stormed inside his brain. Convicted… of murder! This was no more than a farce. Never can his precious assistant commit or even the idea of coming close to the range of his spirit medium. He had to get to the bottom of this. Here and now. No matter what, Maya is innocent! And the idea is straight and true. With his mind made up, he stormed back to Kurain and into Fey Manor.

He searched everywhere for evidence and witnesses. The first person he galloped vehemently to was that photographic orange haired southerner named Lotta Hart. She stood idly by, at first almost darting her view away from the blue attorney. He began questioning her, practically scanning her for clues and even the thought of her taking the picture of Maya channeling was scary as considerable decisive evidence that probably Payne could pull off, if he was competent enough. But he knew there was a way. It wasn't until he brought up Maya when things started to take a turn.

"Now, this kid - I think she needs to be taught some manners." Her southern accent collided violently to Phoenix's ears. "This here's her second time in the stew, right? My Pa woulda slapped me straight!"

Maintaining his cool and composure as much as he could, he riddled, "Y-Yeah... "

"Ya know what they say, if there's a second time, there's bound to be a third, and a fo-"

 _SLAP!_

"OW!" Lotta felt the attorney's hand collided against her face, bringing her out of her banter and acknowledging that the spirit medium was too sensitive a topic to discuss at the moment. "Nngh... Ya didn't have to slap me. I get it, I get it. Sorry…"

' _Shut her mouth… Talking about Maya like that…'_

Lotta felt the dull pain slowly dissipate from her face. The relief was something she slightly enjoyed. Reminding her of her Pa back at home when she was a bad girl herself. That feeling of being told who's boss brought her curiosity mind.

"That girl… Mmm! I reckon she's going to hit the cleaning duty in the clink real hard for sure!" Lotta winced, ready to feel the pain once more.

Another slap resonated a sting from her face down to her body. "Stop talking about Maya like that! She didn't kill anyone."

"I bet you don't believe that yourself lawyerguy!" Lotta further enraged the attorney by throwing more remarks at him. His face began to turn a violent red.

"Stop it!"

"I'm not wrong, either, am I?" Lotta gave the attorney a shit eating grin.

Phoenix was borderline angry. He raised his arm once more and gave a little more force to this strike to shut her up. She fell to the floor, almost landing on her camera. Phoenix gasped violently, fearing he may have hurt the southerner too hard this time. Lotta giggled, those wonderful slaps made her giddy and excited in so many ways. The attorney was about to check on her condition before she violently grabbed his lapels and brought him towards the ground, "Slap me again!"

"W-WHAT?!" Phoenix was horrified. The cowgirl gave her that teary deranged hungry look that scared the living hell out of him.

"Slap me like Papa would!"

"Holy COW!" Phoenix shook the crazy woman off and ran away from her as far as possible. Lotta gave chase, high tailed behind him.

Seven years later, the thought made Phoenix cringed as he eyed his blue cyan hat that Trucy made. 'Slap me like PAPA!'


	6. Clash of Swords

The blade swooned and whirled countless of times in the air. His enemies fell, beaten and defeated as the twisted samurai left no shred of mercy upon those who stood before him. His ultimate enemy stared down at him over the second floor. Separated by the wooden mahogany archway. Those evil red eyes and that smug and toothy grin teased him in their intimidation and ghastly throe.

Simon resettled his sword by his side as so did his enemy. His archenemy took a sip of his hot mug of bitterness as loud and rumbling sounds surrounded the building from the outside. It was the storm call of the most infamous gang in Japanifornia: The Crazy 107. The two swordsmen gazed at each other with pre murderous intent as the grumbling noises slowly turned into silence. The white haired visor man slammed his coffee mug against the wooden border, causing the ceramic to break into coffee stained shards.

"Is that what I think it is, Godot-dono?" The twisted samurai muttered.

"You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?"

"You know, for a second there… yeah… I kinda did."

"Silly rabbit…"

"Trix are for-"

"Kids…"

Hurriedly scampering steps approached behind the twisted samurai, revealing a 6 foot tall, well suited and armed coffee bean, to which it yelled its battle cry towards the prosecutor, bring forth the rest of the Godot Blend coffee beans to surround Simon.

This was it. Possibly the last battle and night he may be able to stay free of the stench of coffee, because tonight, they were going to be grounded. Simon yelled as he began slicing his hard shell opponents into dust.

The ex-defense attorney merrily watched as he saw his job being done for him as well as almost a lifetime supply of coffee readily awaited to be roasted.


	7. No Window Shopping

"Hold on Nick! I'll be right back!"

"Wait… Maya where are you going?"

"I'm just going to buy some stuff! I'll be right back!" Maya winked before heading into the giant mall.

Phoenix could feel his pockets already feeling emptier and emptier as he saw the crazed purple spirit medium dashing left and right into stores, not even glancing for a moment to window shop. Spend spend spend!

After several hours of ransacking the luxurious stores, Maya came back with giant lumps of merchandise cascading over her tied hair to the point that the lawyer could no longer see the spirit medium. From movies, to manga, to Steel Samurai stuff, clothes to her delectable burgers. The mountain of a Maya's dreams was thrown to Phoenix as he almost dropped several bags from his hands.

"MAYA! WHY DID YOU GET ALL THIS STUFF?! YOU'RE NOT USING MY CARD AGAIN, ARE YOU?" Phoenix shouted as he felt a giant credit card bill ready to drop the amount of Wall Street's bailout come in next month.

"Don't worry, Nick." Maya evilly smiled as she cherubically glided her head to the side. "It's not your card I'm using…"

Phoenix stared at her in dubiously as her coy but sly expression kept on him. "Then who's card is that? Maya that's stealing?!" He was almost terrified how the medium could even have the audacity to use someone else's card. "How did you even get the pin?!"

"Don't worry!" She laughed. "If you knew, you wouldn't feel horrible." She continued galloping out of the mall with Phoenix wobbling behind her with her newly purchased self-gifts. "He's going to be in for a shock!"

* * *

"How can this be, you worthless excuse of a human being?!" The man belligerently yelled at the teler in the bank. "I have not used my Gold Card in days! How can I have spent almost thousands of dollars on childish nonsense?! Explain this to me!" The man spat on the plastic barrier protecting the chilled teller from the enraged prosecutor.

"Mr. Von Karma… if you would not make your pin number '0001' then it would have been much more difficult for this person to use your card…"

"BUT I AM NUMBER 1!"


	8. Unorthodox Poker Night

"Two…"

"One…"

"One."

"Three."

"Pass."

' _For the tenth time again.' The dealer muttered._

The cards smoothly slid across the table. The dealer tonight eyed each of the players carefully, making sure a single person wasn't going to play any funny business in tonight's poker game. The stakes were high and the undefeated comeback king remained intact against his opponents even without Trucy's help. It was a good thing too, for tonight wasn't a traditional game.

The players had their greatest poker faces, keeping back the dirty secrets behind their hands. The bet stood high, for whoever won that night, would have all their clothes still on their persona for tomorrow's trial, while the losers had to be occupied for whatever remained, doom to defend or prosecute in whatever condition they were for this night.

"Looks like I am ready for winter… Full house…" Phoenix cracked a wicked grin.

"DAMMIT!"

"You cheat!"

"Pulling another one of your forged plays, Wright?"

"No surprise."

Phoenix laughed at his four opponents, trumped by the undefeated poker king.

The next morning, the spectators were almost devastated as they saw the cool attorney, prosecutor and Apollo walk into the courtroom, practically third and second base. Kristoph merely smiled as he had his normal attire on him, just without pants or shoes. Apollo sweatily grazed back his two horns in embarrassment as he fiddled around in his simple dress shirt and trousers.

At least it wasn't as bad as Winston Payne who practically felt the cold breeze between those crooked old pink underwear. Phoenix laughed in the witness's stand as the only removal of his attire was merely his hat.

The gavel slammed. "All rise, Court is now in session…"

Everyone puked and winced grotesquely as they saw the wrinkly skin coat judge happily stand up and nod his head… entirely fourth based.


	9. Rich of Antioxidants

"Pal! DO IT!"

"Detective… I cannot! It is too difficult for me."

"JUST DO IT!"

"Gumshoe I simply can't."

"Don't let your dreams be dreams…"

"Miss Faraday, don't encourage Detective Gumshoe."

"Yesterday, you said tomorrow. Just do it! Make your dreams come true, sir!"

"You two simpletons are going to be the end of me!"

"Just… fff! DO IT!"

"Detective Tyrell… I implore you to control Miss Faraday."

"Some people dream of success. While you're going to wake up and work hard at it! Nothing is impossible! You should get to the point where anyone else would quit and you're not going to stop there."

"Lang! You are not serious? It's merely inhumanly possible."

"No! WHAT are you waiting for!?"

"Franziska? Not you too!"

"DO IT! JUST DO IT!"

Edgeworth felt the words of encouragement. If even Franziska believes it is possible, then there is a chance. ' _Perhaps I can do this!'_

"Yes you can! Just do it! If you're tired of starting over… stop giving up…"

The Prosecutor felt the fire in his heart finally raced throughout his body as he gained the confidence his friends bestowed. He took the hose and plunged it in his mouth. Faraday opened up the valve to an enormous tank filled with gallons of Edgeworth's favourite brand of tea.

"CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!"

The next morning, the whole team stared at the prosecutor, almost overlapping his hospitable bed from the innumerous gallons he ingested of that herbal beverage. A doctor came into the room with a thick file of x-rays taken to see the damage Edgeworth's enormous antioxidant filled gut.

"Is he going to be okay, doctor?!" Kay hurriedly demanded.

"Well…" The doctor raised his glasses to his eyes, further pulling up the x-ray photograph to the light. "Mr. Edgeworth is perfectly fine. I see no problem or any internal damage despite his enormous weight. We'll just have to wait… HAHA!"

Edgeworth grumbled at the terrible pun the horrid doctor had just made.

"Now if you'll excuse me…" The doctor moved through the room to get a cup from the cabinets and further heard a small twist of metal light a faucet. Unable to see the doctor at the moment, the team waited until the doctor reappeared behind the Edgeworth balloon.

He handed detective Lang the pungent sweet beverage. "Here you are."

"Where on Earth did you get that?" Franziska commanded.

"All that matters is that it'll keep you on Edge." The man guffawed before running out the door.

"Not that bad…" Lang gestured as he took a sip.


	10. I'm Flying!

"Hello, Athena…" Apollo slowly approached the pirate girl. She looked adorable in that outfit, made her look like she was going to steal some buried treasure with kawaii eyes. "They said… you might be up here…"

"Who?" She asked in confusion.

"Shhhh…." He placed his index on her lips. He gave her that glimmering determined look in his eyes, ushering her that everything will be okay. "Gimme your hand…"

Athena was hesitant at first. Apollo never acted like this. He was always uptight, but his seriousness changed to this endearment. Slowly and almost involuntarily, her hand made it to his, further clasping their fingers together. He brought her closer, their chests almost making contact as he stared at her. "Now close your eyes…Go on…"

Almost terrified, but curious, Athena listened to the red pirate attorney as he brought her carefully and intricately forward. "Now hold on… keep your eyes closed. Don't peek!"

"I'm not…" She whispered, feeling the beautiful ocean breeze in her face and hair. "Now… step forward." Apollo asked sincerely, which she followed cautiously, trusting him with her care.

"Hold on. Hold on… Keep your eyes closed."

Athena lightly laughed on how close and tenderly he held her, like water against skin.

"Do you trust me?"

"I trust you."

' _Oh my goodness! What's he doing now?'_ She thought frightened.

Apollo grabbed her wrists delicately before parting them like a gracious bird at sea, parting her arms at full length. Hidden in the darkness of her eyelids was scary, but she trusted him. She mustered a smile as he whispered tenderly in her ear. "Alright… now open your eyes."

Simultaneously, she her eyes fluttered open as he held her waist, preventing her from falling. "I-I'm flying!"

To her view, a beautiful and grand ocean, unbound by any land mass in its giant blue body. The glorious ocean embraced her with its salty but elegant winds, willingly to be accepted by nature's call. All she could do was open a grand smile upon her face, ecstatic by such a grandiose sight.

However, there was something off. For starters, she remembered in the Titanic scene, the water moved towards her, the water here was moving to her left, there was also no bars to hold onto. The floor didn't lightly bend or creek neither.

Apollo smirked before speaking. "For that… you'll walk the plank!"

"Wait! What?!" Athena quickly spun to see Apollo throw a sudden kick at her. "THIS IS SPARTA!"

The yellow betrayed attorney fell to the water, seeing Apollo laugh maniacally at her. "That's for trying to steal my beau!"

Apollo turned back to the deck after gaining a good distance from Athena to find again, his betrothed benevolent lover. To which he found in shock, Pirate Wright having a coconut coolada, sexily groping Charley's leaves.

"Ch-Charley!" Apollo screamed horridly.

"Hold it! Apollo!" Mr. Wright fell back, dropping his beverage. "I can explain!"


	11. DIY

(A/N: This was inspired by a video I found!)

* * *

"C'mon Maggey, I can fix this! I promise!" The lumpy detective yelped.

"No, sir… I'm going to get a professional to do this." She argued back softly.

"I am a professional!" Cracking readily, trying to keep a smile. "How do think I've been able to do it on my own after all my salary cuts?"

"You're out of that tight hole now, pal. You don't have to do it yourself anymore." She saluted proudly before reaching the phone.

"Awww…" The Gumshoe pouted. "Okay…"

Maggey tapped several numbers into the phone before bringing it to his ear. She shook her head as she eyed back at the helpless detective. Sure enough, he would have gotten used to DIY projects by now, but this was borderline awkward. After gaining back his established salary as well as a raise, he managed to get a great apartment where him and Maggey can settle down comfortably. However, the scruffy detective still prefered to do things the old fashioned way, by assembling and packing things away himself, but with his and Maggey's luck, things tend not to go so as planned.

After being held on the line for a few minutes, an operator answered. "Hello, This is customer service! How may I help you?"

"Excuse me," Maggey politely introduced. "A handyman was recently here in helping install our recent purchase, but after a small dispute with my husband, he left."

"Ah… Sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am…" The operator apologized. "Even though there are certain disagreements with customers, your satisfaction is our top priority! We will send another technician right away!"

"Thank you!"

"One moment…" Maggey heard typing in the background. "There! One will be with you shortly."

"Thank you, pal!" Maggey said with content.

Maggey hung up and looked back at her helpless man once more. "You really need to have other people with the right credentials to do things, sir!" She waved her finger in disapproval.

Gumshoe could only mope more, inwardly agreeing that Maggey was right. After some time, the technician made it to the apartment.

"What seems to be the problem ma'am?"

"Well... " Maggey lifted the instructions. "My husband tried to install this on his own, but he screwed up and bit off more than he could chew."

The man could only laugh as he read the instructions. "Well of course not!" He directed his finger to the bold text. "This is in a different language."

"UGH!" Maggey could only shake her head. ' _No wonder he's up there like that.'_

"So where's the unlucky guy?" The man sassed.

"I'll take you to him…" After the travel down the corridor, she entered the room where the detective was slowly rotating, stuck on a propellor on the ceiling.

"As you can see, sir..." Her tone low.

"The instructions weren't clear… I got my Dick caught in a ceiling fan..."


	12. Soleless

A sudden bang and rummage happened on the other side of the door. After releasing her nose from her books, she opened the door, poking her head out to see where all the commotions came from. The coast was clear. At first hesitant, she tip toed around, looking at every corner until she saw him. Apparently slightly fuming, but also sobbing slightly past his fingers.

Feeling the need to comfort the poor kid, she sat next to him and patted the pink sweater, "What's the matter, Feenie?"

"N-nothing, D-dollie…" The college student's words muffled lightly through his petty crying.

She rubbed his arched back, trying to affectionately comfort whatever dignity remained, "Tell me. I'm here for you, Feenie." She knew this mess of a college student was going to break real soon.

"It's that wanna-be British kid!" He ruffled his red scarf as he fiercely pouted against it.

"Who?" She asked in confusion.

"Doug Swallows!" He yelled lowly, not to disturb his precious Dollie's hearing.

Grabbing his face, she turned the flustered pink student to her direction before looking down. "Feenie… why aren't you wearing your initialed shoes?"

"That's the thing, Dollie…" He tilted his head down in shame. "I burned them..."

"B-But…" She stuttered, completely frazzled. "Why?"

"Doug got me in a corner with his weird friends…" He paused. "And he…"

A sigh first escaped with those low puppy eyes. It was stupid how he got somehow caught into a situation like that.

"He what?"

Giving her one more glance, he stood up and portrayed. "He and his friends all laughed and pointed at my shoes… Yelling…"

"WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSEE?!"


	13. Bathroom Etiqutte

The magician stomped furiously towards the open area of the office. Wright, Apollo and Athena looked at her oddly as they almost saw fumes coming from her ears.

"What's the matter, Trucy?" Phoenix asked with fatherly concern.

She caught her breath before speaking, "Who keeps leaving the toilet seat up?!" Pointing dastardly towards the direction of the bathroom. "It is bathroom etiquette for the men to put down the toilet seat after they are finished using the bathroom!"

Apollo and Wright eyed each other in utter confusion.

"It wasn't me!"

"It wasn't me either!"

Trucy could only cross her arms, she couldn't exactly tell who was lying at that moment. Both were entirely frazzled.

"I always put it down, Trucy. I remember you almost fell in it one time and I was so scared thinking you would flush yourself." Wright added to his defense.

"Yeah…" Trucy shrugged eerily, remembered being submerged in toilet water when she fell back to use it. The stare turned to Apollo.

"Hey! Don't look at me! I didn't do it either!" Apollo flinched, "Even after I finish scrubbing it… twice… I always put it down."

Trucy could only eye the two before turning on her heel. ' _I will find this culprit,'_ she thought schemingly to herself and discover the truth on her own.

After some time in the office, she carefully hid and spectated if either Apollo or Phoenix whom entered the bathroom. The first suspect was her father, whistling as he entered, did the deed and left. Trucy scampered to the lavatory, noting that the seat was down.

' _Hmm… I can't exactly accuse Daddy yet… I should wait for Apollo…'_

On her restroom stakeout, Apollo entered, further hearing a flush, a rinse and he left. Trucy was flabbergasted. The seat was down. Perhaps they finally listened to her?

With a sigh and content mood, she walked out of the bathroom and proceeded to her daily duties. Suddenly, the bathroom door closed. The magician swiftly turned and ran back to her corner. Who was this? She heard the lid lift, but not another ceramic clap to assure her that the lid was left up. This is him!

A tap was heard and further turned off. She hid once more after the door opened. Running into the bathroom confirmed her suspicion. The seat was up! Trucy ran towards the corridor with the effort of Speedy Gonzalez and found the perpetrator.

"Oh! Hey Trucy!" Athena smiled grandly with innocence.

"Uh…hh…..hh…" Were the only words that come come out of the traumatized magician.


	14. AA Cases in A Nutshell

Warning: Some of this in here is some dark humor. So if you're easily offended, tread carefully.

ALSO CONTAINS SPOILERS! From Ace Attorney 1-5, including AJ.

* * *

Ace Attorney cases in a nutshell:

Jobs that use your head: "Apollo, Mia, Cindy Stone, and Russel Berry would know" - Tonate, White, Sawhit & Acro

-The First Turnabout

-Turnabout Sisters

-Turnabout Countdown

"I used to be the Steel Samurai like you… but then I took a spear to the chest…" - Jack Hammer

-Turnabout Samurai

"Chuck Norris can catch bullets with his teeth… I catch them with my shoulder" - Manfred von Karma

-Turnabout Goodbyes

"You lost your dad? DL-6 with it, Edgeworth!" - Manfred von Karma

-Turnabout Goodbyes

"Are you trying to say something?" -Phoenix Wright

-Rise from the Ashes

"Dun! Dun! Dun! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! Swimming!" - Damon Gant

-Rise from the Ashes

"I'm a completely different and original character! Who else has this ridiculous hair style?!" - Ema Skye

-Rise from the Ashes

"Bruce… was a Goodman… WAS…!" - Lana Skye

-Rises from the Ashes

"I heard what happened to your brother, Marshall." - Lana Skye

"Yeah… my brother… he will be missed."

"Well that's one less snake in your boot." - Lana Skye

-Rises from the Ashes

"Are you sure that Redd White was a fruitcake? I loves those long yellow things…" - Richard Wellington

-The Lost Turnabout

"Because obviously I don't know how to spell my girlfriend's name…" - Dustin Prince

-The Lost Turnabout

"Less competition for me!" - Dick Gumshoe

-The Lost Turnabout

"Keep your pimp hand strong." - Phoenix Wright

-Reunion, and Turnabout

"Ini Mini Miney Moe, who has the biggest 'fro? Lotta or Morgan?"

-Reunion, and Turnabout

"A bullet a day, keeps the doctor away" - Mimi Miney

-Reunion, and Turnabout

"Bat! Achoo-se you!" - Acro

Leon used bite… it's super effective...

-Big Top Turnabout

De Killer: "I have your special item…"

Phoenix: "MY BADGE!? YOU MONSTER!"

De Killer: "N-nooo…"

Phoenix: "HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?!"

De Killer: "That's not the special item I am talking _-abou-!_

Phoenix: "YOU EVIL BEING! GIVE MY BADGE BACK!"

De Killer: "And you have to deal with this, Miss Fey?"

Maya: "Yep…"

De Killer: "My deepest apologies…"

-Farewell My Turnabout

"I have an itch on my face… here… here… here… and here…" - Matt Engarde

-Farewell, My Turnabout

"Where on earth did I put that fourth piece of evidence…? Screw it! Those fools don't have the guts to admit how they feel." - Franziska von Karma.

-Farewell, My Turnabout

"Help, you Whippersnappers! I've fallen and I can't get up!" - Oldbag

"Yes ma'am… please hold." *Phone plays Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran*

"Kids these days!" - Oldbag

-Farewell, My Turnabout

"Doug… I want you to Swallow this."

"No, Dahlia."

"Fine…. *sigh* FEENIE!"

-Turnabout Memories

"My milkshakes are the real reasons why boys come to the yard." - Mia

-Turnabout Memories

"Grossberg… if you talk about your rhoids one more time… I swear… everything on you will be inflamed. - Mia

-Turnabout Memories

"Mia! Help! My heart's broken!" - Feenie

"We need a doctor…" - Mia

"Why…?" - Feenie

"TO EXAMINE YOUR VAGINA!" - Mia

-Turnabout Memories

"What's your name?"

"Luke Atmey."

"I am. So what is your name?"

"Luke Atmey!"

"Sir, you are in my line of sight… so what is your name?

"Luke Atmey!"

"I can obviously see your dumbass magnifying glass and blonde hair, pinocchio…. Now for the last time… what is your name?!

"*sigh* Mask De Masque."

-The Stolen Turnabout

"I honestly think all the spirit mediums are dyslexic…" - Adrian Andrew

-The Stolen Turnabout

"Maggey, you want my weenie?" - Gumshoe

"No!" - Maggey

"It must've been good if you're coming back for seconds!" - Gumshoe

"Yes… Pal, I love your weenie." - Maggey

-Recipe for Turnabout

Jean, worst character in T&T: doesn't die.

-Recipe for Turnabout

Maya channels Return of the Milkshakes for the elderly

-Recipe for Turnabout

"Welcome to Bee Avenue!" - Maya

"What a cute voice…" - Phoenix

"Oh… it's just you, Nick." - Maya

"M-Maya?!" - Phoenix

"You fools! Just kiss already!" - Franziska von Karma

-Recipe for Turnabout

"I need… I need…" - Fawles

"What?! What is it that you need?" - Mia

"A doctor...BECAUSE I POISONED MYSELF! HAHAHAH!" - Fawles

-Turnabout Beginnings

"Okay… You pretend to kidnap me and then I fall with the diamond." - Dahlia

"Wait… you want me to go with the diamond?" - Fawles

"No! I Fall with the diamond." - Dhalia

"Exactly! I go with the diamond…"

"What she means Terry! Is that she will fall into the river with the diamond and you pretend to kidnap her." - Valerie

"So Dahlia is going with me and the diamond?" - Fawles.

"OH MY GOD!" - Valerie & Dahlia

"You know what?! *takes gun and shoots Fawles instead* - Dahlia

-Turnabout Beginnings

"Shine bright like a diamond." - Dahlia & Luke Atmey

-Turnabout Beginnings

"Coffee?"

"Yes, thank you." - Mia

"Cream?"

"No… I take it black… Like my man." - Mia

-Turnabout Memories

"Mia… you can't give up yet… The only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over…" - Diego Armando

"That's kinda hot…" - Mia

-Turnabout Memories

"I take my coffee bitter… because her milkshakes are gone…" - Godot

-Bridge to the Turnabout

"Hmmm… something's not right…" *fixes crime scene with Misty Fey's body.* "Now I just need to get Bikini's attention." *Plays I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift* - Iris

-Bridge to the Turnabout

"Godot… You've been lying to us this whole time!" - Phoenix

"Ha…! How have I lied?" - Godot

"You claim to have come from Hell to do battle with me, yet! You failed to see Dahlia down there!"

"Explain this, Mr. Gobo!" - Judge

*visor explodes* - Godot

-Bridge to the Turnabout

Phoenix somehow managed to bluff his way through every case. There's only one way he managed… FAIRLY FEY PARENTS!

"Maya?" - Nick

"What is it, Nick?" - Maya

"I noticed that, you've never had psyche-locks… That means a lot to me, y'know. It means you're always honest with me..." - Nick

"Nick… If you saw chains around me, you'd probably get a stiffy." - Maya

"One second, Trite" *zip* - Godot

"Uhm… what are you doing?" - Phoenix

"I made this brew… just for you… Coffee is a diuretic!" - Godot

"NO!" - Phoenix

-Trials & Tribulations

"I wonder how Godot manages to have 17 cups of coffee during one trial…" - Maya

"In a way… I don't want to know. Normally two or three he doesn't drink… my face does…" - Phoenix

"Let's check it out!" * Goes to Prosecutor's bench. Sees Urinal.* "Oh… that's how…" - Maya

-Trials & Tribulations

"I think Godot drinks decaf." - Phoenix

"What makes you think that, Nick?" - Maya

"Well. The amount of caffeine he drinks… If he really had that much, he should be able to see sounds and hear colors." - Phoenix

"Wright…" - Edgeworth.

"Yes, Edgeworth?" - Phoenix

"Mr. Godot will not be attending court today…" - Edgeworth

"Wait. Why? Not that I care, but just why?" - Phoenix

"Someone was smart enough to put expresso into the prosecutor's coffee machine. Apparently, he didn't make it to the 7th cup, he entered a different dimension."

-Trials & Tribulations

"Miss von Karma… Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya are taking the Ultra Course." - Pearl

"Miss Pearl Fey, it would take the whipping of a lifetime to realize those fools are in love with each other, which I had personally delivered to the fool last year. As you can see, he has not even flinched once." - Franziska

"I ship it..." - Pearl

-Trials & Tribulations

"Some wine, mothafucka!" - Kristoph Gavin

-Turnabout Trump

"Listen… I came back 7 years later to tell you that I'm an ass for making you lose your badge and not telling you what was going to happen because I knew Kristoph was a man not to be trusted and decided to destroy your reputation again by planting a trap by that wannabe Russian lady and calling you a cheat and further plummeting your life into debt as not only as a mediocre piano player, but a cheater and a forger whom I merely used to give my daughter the inheritance from her grandfather instead of doing it in the first place. Sorry not Sorry." - Zak Gramarye/Shadi Enigmar

-Turnabout Trump

"It's your story here on out, Apollo." - Phoenix Wright

And at that moment, one of the biggest lies in Ace Attorney History was told.

-Turnabout Trump

"You actually forged evidence!? *punch*" - Apollo

"Next time yell, 'Take That' it packs more of a punch." - Hobo Phoenix

"Apollo got butterfly punches." - Trucy

"Nah, have you seen my fan art?" - Hobo Phoenix

"It's definitely a totally genius idea for me to go to the Wright Talent Agency and ask for a job I know I won't be paid for at least half a year!" - Apollo

-Turnabout Corner

"I guess you're going to miss the Panty Raid…" -Wesley Stickler

-Turnabout Corner

"I've been burned by coffee, whipped by an angry German woman, hit by a fire extinguisher, almost poisoned myself, chewed on a glass and metal necklace, went across a burning bridge, fell into frigid water, almost beaten by the mafia, took 600,000 volts straight to the nipples, slapped by an eight year old, mauled by teenage girls, jumped on by a lion, and suffered financial strain from a burger loving spirit medium… your puny car got nothing on me…" - Hobo Phoenix

"So, Mr. Wright, how is your ankle ok?"

"Shut up, Apollo…"

-Turnabout Corner

"THIS GAVIN'S ON FIRE!" - Lamiroir

"Wait… what? MY GUITAR!" - Gavin

-Turnabout Serenade

"Alright pinhead… your time is up!" - Apollo

"Who you callin pinhead?" - Daryan

-Turnabout Serenade

"Herr Forehead! What's the scouter say about Kristoph's power level?!" - Klavier

"IT'S OVER 9,000!" - Apollo

"What 9,000!?"

-Turnabout Succession

"Juror #6… I understand it is your decision, but it is quite obvious that Vera Misham is not guilty." - Hobo Wright

"I know. I just wanted to see what would happen." - Thalassa

-Turnabout Succession

"Apollo, can you get me a cup?" - Hobo Wright

"Cup of what?" - Apollo

"Just Ice." - Wright

"..." - Apollo

"Mr. Wright?"

"Yes, Apollo?"

"It took me a while to realize, but, I can only say that you used me as a pawn just to prove that my mentor was the killer and to prove you were innocent of forgery. Yes, it is the truth, but, I think I deserve more praise."

"Apollo, you fail to see that… *Puts on shades* You just got trumped."

"I left my son alone and married Trucy's father, but I left Apollo one of my bracelets, so it's cool!" - Thalassa

"Poison buddies!" - Vera, Godot, & Fawles

"We went back to courtroom #4 to go get my weed… I MEAN medicine! *cough cough* This kush mad dank" - Juniper Woods

-Turnabout Countdown

Personal note: When I first saw Tonate without his goggles, I almost pissed myself to see how scary looking his expression was.

"Imma Tenma Tear that ass up!" - Damian Tenma

"Oh… hahahah! Okay!" - L'Belle

-Monstrous Turnabout

"I am the box ghost! Beware!" - Myriam Scuttlebutt

-Turnabout Academy

"Ugh… what's that smell?" - Hugh

"The end justifies the beans!" - Aristotle Means

-Turnabout Academy

"Apollo! Get some of Mr. Wright's hair so I can mimic the statue." - Athena

"Uhm… Okay…"

"OBJECTION!" OWWW! NO ONE…. MESSES… WITH THE 'DO!" - Wright

-Turnabout Academy

"Hugh… are you okay? You're turning blue…" - Juniper

"Hugh! Can you breath?!" - Robin

Hugh: *faints*

"Good thinking smart one… you could've put the friendship bracelet anywhere else, but you just had to put it around your neck…" - Robin

-Turnabout Academy

"Clay… you need to be more… down to earth." - The Phantom

-Cosmic Turnabout

"Why does Mr. Wright's miracle work and not mine!?" - Yuri Cosmos

-Cosmic Turnabout

"I had Hope this wouldn't happen…" - Clay

-Cosmic Turnabout

"One day, I wanna go to the moon!" - Moon Rock

"Why wait?!" - The Phantom

-Turnabout for Tomorrow

"Yay! Simon! You finally got that acquittal! Does that mean Aura and I will get along now?" - Athena

"No…" - Aura

-Turnabout for Tomorrow

"UR-1 annoying girl…" - 'Bobby Fulbright'

"You don't stand a ghost of a chance!" - Athena

-Turnabout for Tomorrow

"When I was in the third grade… people treated me like a criminal… BECAUSE I KILLED

SOMEBODY!" - Athena Cykes

-Turnabout for Tomorrow

"Hey, Prosecutor Blackquill, a little off the top… I don't want to cut my hair too short!" - 'Bobby Fulbright'

"Aw… Look what you did to my mask…"

-Turnabout for Tomorrow

Metis Cykes! Some assembly required. Batteries not included.

-Turnabout for Tomorrow

"Idiots… I swear…"

"No! NO! NOOOO! It can't be!" - Nick

"What's the matter, Nick? Didn't think I would be the Phantom?"

"I-I-I-I- NO! How could you?!" - Nick

"I thought it was pretty obvious, Nick." - Maya

"B-B-B-But HOW?!" - Nick

"I mean really? Who else doesn't wear socks with their shoes besides Bobby Fulbright?" - Maya

"But, Maya… I never would have thought Larry was the Phantom…!" - Nick

-Dual Destinies

"Good lord! Ms. DePlume! Do something about your attire." - Judge

"Ugh… that's one robe malfunction I did not want to see…" - Phoenix

"I'd ship it…" - Marlon Rimes

-Turnabout Reclaimed


	15. I Bid Thee Farewell

" _Wh-Wha-?_ " She stirred worriedly around. The surroundings, completely unfamiliar to her.

' _Where am I?_ ' Her thoughts squirmed in her brain. This was not the hotel. This was not the party. This was a dark cellar room filled with bottles of distributed wines and champagnes.

"Nick?!" She cried wearily. "Pearly?!"

No one answered. She was alone. Lost to her cold and stagnant prison, bound to a chair. Before she could utter one more sound, the cellar door ahead of her opened. The light blinded the medium, invading her eyes with rude entry.

Coming to, a mysterious dark figure approached her, ever so devilishly and ghastly. That black and white hair, the stitched face that caressed his forehead down to his chin, the monocle that failed at hiding the dark beastly eyes behind its glassed surface.

"Now Miss Fey…" The man announced gentlemanly, but with the voice of evil incarnate. "I would recommend remaining silent or there will be… how shall I say this…" He extended the drearily long pause to make sure he made his point.

"Consequences…"

The medium couldn't even sputter words. Before her, the captor gazed upon her, tearing down any hope that she had bit by bit in the loom of his shadow. Not too long, words slithered from his mouth.

"Your life shall be spared if your lawyer friend is to acquire that acquittal I have asked him."

Can this be?

' _Nick…?_ ' She thought to herself. ' _It can't be!_ ' The desperation so enveloping evermore through her that she must have said it through her lips.

"Yes." He cut off her thoughts. "For if he does not… well… " His face did not even twitch, his demeanor unchanged, not one stutter was made audible. Words that were perfectly performed that it must have been rehearsed on countless of victims before her numerous of times.

"You shall be met with a terrible fate."

Running on fear and adrenaline, the medium quivered until a stand still. "Nick! Please save me!"

"Now be a good hostage and remain quiet for the duration of your time," the demented man sternly assessed.

Maya saw De Killer approach her, teasing her by his ever loathed presence. He lowered himself, close enough to almost graze her skin with his monocle. Chills rippled through her body. The icy breath further stinging her ears with lowly whispered words that made her eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

Retreating back to a standing position, he muttered, "Do you understand, Miss Fey?"

Horrified, she weakly nodded. Desperately hoping that what he deviously and cold heartedly threatened wouldn't come to fruition.

By the twist of his heels, the assassin disappeared in the veil of light, before closing the door behind him. Leaving her in the darkness, where the only light visible shone from under the door.

After some time and struggle with her bindings, she was free! 'Finally!'

Gathering her strength and shattered will she found De Killer's card and jammed it through the gap of the door, allowing a small audible click. Affirming her that moves like that turn out not only to be in TV shows and cartoons, she escaped. ' _Wooh… didn't think that would work._ '

She found herself in a small surveillance room. A quick search made her realize she wasn't going to make it out traditionally. With quick wit, she inscribed behind the frame that if Nick were to get that acquittal for Engarde, she wouldn't forgive him, despite the horror of what might come for her sake.

But it is the right thing to do…

Suddenly, she heard a noise. Frantically finishing up, she turned, to find her kidnapper staring dead at her. "Now Miss Fey… We can't have you running around…"

He grabbed her and by time she knew it. Blackness.

Awoken with another headache and by the sound of the door opening once more, she oriented herself.

 _'Oh no.'_

He gave an uncharacteristic pout before glaring at her once more. "Hmmm… turns out Mr. Wright did not get that acquittal that me and and my client wholly requested."

Maya swallowed. Harder than any swallow she had ever done in her life. Dread was finally taking its toll on her.

"It's time for your conviction, Miss Fey…" De Killer reprimanded.

De Killer then unsheathed a giant weapon from behind him. Shining and threatening, yet oddly appealing, he pointed it at her. A mere inch away from her face, his stance was perfectly aligned with his instrument.

Maya internally screamed. Unsure whether from excitement or terror.

"Is that?!" She stuttered several times before finishing.

"Yesss." De Killer grumbled.

Maya couldn't believe it.

"The ultimate ultra rare super edition of the Steel Samurai Spear with every enhancement from season 5 after his battle with Omega Magistrate!?"

The words almost fell out of her mouth from the sight of this magnificent work of art.

"Only a few were ever sold and this one is authentic as it can be." De Killer reminded. "Now… death tolls."

"No!" Maya screamed her lungs out, frantically kicking against her chair for escape.

With one long lunge, came a loud SNAP! reverberated through the room. Then. Silence.

With one last peer down, Maya could only cry as she saw that beautiful and rare edition authentic japanese steel spear broken into pieces.

"You can blame your lawyer friend on that one."


	16. The Curse of the Bambino

"A lone ranger come long from the road for advice, huh?" The cowboy mused, pulling up his signature hat to see his guest. The brown leathered boots retreated back to the floor from their previously relaxed state.

"Don't rub it in. I know that you have a similar predicament like I do." The guest bluntly barked, arms crossed in mild embarrassment.

"No need for the hostilities, pardner." The cowboy entertained. He trimmed the small hairs from his face with his field knife, groping his chin amusingly. "I eye out for those aiming in the same directions. So what can I do ya for?"

"I have some troubles…"

Standing upright and placing his knife away, he rattled. "Enemies out on the horizon, searchin' for your bounty?"

His guest relieved his arms by his sides. "Not that kind of problem… It's more of a personal issue."

An amused stare etched on the wranglers face. "Throw them words like ground tobacco at the spittoon."

' _Gross…'_ His guest didn't want to picture a puddle of brown trough from people's mouths. ' _But whatever.'_ He continued, "I have an interest in someone and I know they have similar feelings for me too, but things always get outta hand."

The guest remained idle, almost unsure of how he heard a cowboy can somehow fix his issues. He didn't even seem like a person who could take a situation like this lightly.

"Snakes in the grass I bet for sure." He tightened the bandana around his neck before eyeing the one in front of him intently. He knew where this was going. "The bambina troubles?"

"Something like that…" He nervously scratched his head with a mild blush.

"I got you, pardner." The Marshall threw his arm towards himself. "Follow the sheriff of these parts."

The two traveled down to the Marshall's office. Several pieces of furniture were misplaced, but it was completely Texan and southern styled. Around the table, the cowboy led his troubled company to the solution to his problem.

"'Ere she is." Jake Marshall bask his arm towards the solution. "This fine beauty of mine is better than anyone to tell you how to wrangle them bambinas. This here's Bessie. Always giving me that prickly feeling." He winked at the ravenous beauty before tilting his hat towards it.

"She seems… nice." His guest was surprised, yet disturbed. The solution to his problems seemed a bit, too rough around the edges to somehow make his problem any better. "How is she going to help?"

The cowboy gave an angry look. "I reckon you keep your piper shut when talking to my sweet tussler here!"

"I'm sorry!" He frantically raised his arms. "Geesh, don't shoot me, Ranger Rick!"

"Listen here, Bambino!" The cowboy forced his pocket knife forward, causing his guest to flinch backward reflexively. "This 'ere girl is the toughest and bestest in the freaky high moon!" He pointed the threatening sharp blade towards the beauty once more before raising his hat from his head and showing respect. "Makes me feel like the hay in the needle stack."

' _Cool it with the knife!'_ His guest slowly relaxed. "So she can help me?"

The Marshall replaced the knife in hand with a canister, dousing himself happily as a cheer to

"Darn tootin'! Go ahead, listen to her advice and she'll make your bambina charter new lands across you like Manifest Destiny!"

"Table for two, sir?" The waiter eyed the men oddly.

"Table for four please." Apollo corrected.

The waiter cleared his throat, agreeing to this weird charade before he questioned his own sanity. There, the waiter led them to a fancy booth, placing their menus and eating utensils upon the table. "Drinks?"

"Yes!" Apollo yelped as he nestled his date down carefully beside him, "A simple Shirley Temple for me…" He turned over to his date, grand as ever, "And a water for him."

Scribbling on his tiny notepad, the waiter turned to Marshall. "And you sir?"

"I got myself my own moonshine, pardner." He quipped by the tip of his shiny container, "But for the lady… she'll be having water too."

He felt a shuffle, almost agitated. "What's wrong there darling?" Marshall asked in concern.

His date shook several more times in her seat before he finally got the message. With a laugh evading the air, "My bambina wants something stronger?" He bit his lower lip seductively. "Alright… Bessie wants Tonic."

Apollo soon felt a rustle besides him too. "What is it?"

With a shuffle and command, Apollo can see his date wanted the same thing. "Tonic for him too."

The waiter's breath was more shuttery than usual before giving a nervous nod and left. The Marshall glanced at Apollo before nudging his head.

"Excuse me ladies…" Jake excused himself, "But them bambino here and I gotta head to the house."

Bessie shook before the Marshall gave a quick kiss, preventing himself from wincing partially in pain in order to not tempt her. A quick sprint later, and in the bathroom, Apollo shook Jake's hand. "You were right, Marshall!"

"The credit here does to the real roundhouser, Bessie. Ain't that right?"

"I was so worried that I would have had to take some drastic measures to keep my relationship going..."

"No need for that now, pardner. Let's not keep the dames waiting."

Apollo and Jake Marshall came out of the bathroom towards the double date table of the night. As Marshall and Apollo giddily waltzed back, suddenly, Apollo stopped.

Jake took notice, "What's the halt? We're about to hit gold."

Pointing towards the back wall of their booth, Apollo whispered, "Look."

No one was behind the booth table and the glasses that were filled with Tonic water were completely empty.

"Where did they go?!" The words escaped Apollo's lungs in shock.

It was only then that Apollo took notice to a small crowd gradually building in opacity near the stage. The cowboy and attorney dug their way through the packed onlookers. Finally breaking through, they saw the Blue Badger. He was throwing something in the air.

' _Is that…?_ ' Apollo's eyes squinted, "Money…?!"

The Blue Badger was littering the stage with stacks of money. Pouring down onto…

' _No! No! No! No! No!'_

"B-B-B-BESSIE?!"

"CH-CHARLEY?!"

The cactus Bessie was shaking like mad and so was Charley's leaves. They swung and swerve all around with perfection and vibrance of a professional. People were flashing photos and making it rain down on the Palm Lily and his prickly partner as they entertained their captive audience with a pole dance.

When they finally took notice of the two men sobbing, Bessie and Charley looked at each other, back at them, then at each other once more. They simply shrugged and continued their charade.


	17. Cooking With Athena

I'm not dead yet!

-Undertale Reference/Spoiler-

* * *

 **Cooking with Athena**

The twisted samurai wasn't exactly excited to be where he was. Then again, Athena was the one to help gain his acquittal, so he couldn't argue much with his master's treasure. With an internal grumble and pout, he followed the yellow attorney, quite reluctantly.

In her apartment, he sat near the traditional american kotatsu where she humbly served him tea, though it wasn't traditionally brewed like how the chief prosecutor offers, he didn't deny it. A simple tea kettle boiling with fresh water, sugar and several dips of a tea bag sufficed. Athena watched over, Widget shining brightly green, eyeing him cherubically as he blew the humidity emitting from the cup and sipped quietly.

' _Finally!'_ She thought happily. ' _Simon is letting up!'_

After about half way of his beverage, she began to notice how the silent atmosphere was getting. The awkwardness began to seep in like the scalding water did with the tea bag. Walking around him, she plopped herself to the opposite end of the table and had herself some tea. Simon didn't mind her, with eyes almost closed, meditative-like in appearance or perhaps dull, continuously sipping his herbal beverage in ghost silence.

' _I guess I didn't expect him to let up entirely too quickly… Guess I'm going to have to start the conversation.'_ she thought.

With a quick sip, she stared at her cup, then shot a look towards the samurai. "You know, Simon… When I am not taking cases and what not and the boss doesn't haggle me to clean the toilet… I teach. Eldoon helped me out!"

Simon remained silent, just like his taunt. "I started teaching Apollo how to cook, you know. So, um, maybe he can do something with his life." She snickered, "Better than hearing him yell with his 'Chords of Steel!' all day."

Again, she gained nothing in response. He was about almost done with his tea. Athena became slightly more squeamish, "Oh... sorry... I was talking for too long…" She peered just over his cup. "You're out of tea, aren't you? I'll get you some more."

Carefully grabbing his cup, she arose and headed back towards the kettle and a fresh new tea bag. Nestling the bag into the ceramic cup, she grabbed the kettle. Just as Athena was about to pour, something came to mind.

"Wait a second!" She scrambled around before turning to Simon. "Apollo and his cooking lesson...! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW!"

Athena became as hot tempered as the kettle, Simon could practically hear the whistling coming from her ears. "And if HE's not here to have it…"

She eyed the samurai, this time, her face twisted with a malicious grin.

"YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE IT FOR HIM!"

A demented smile cracked along the edges of her face. Athena leapt into the air, performing a jujitsu backflip onto the counter, planting her feet on the chopping block. The kitchen shook as she landed. The box of tea, sugar and kettle flew across the kitchen as the yellow attorney skidded across the countertop like a mad woman.

"That's right! NOTHING has brought Apollo and I closer than cooking… Well except taking cases! But that's besides the point! Which means that if I give you his lesson…"

She turned. "WE'LL BECOME CLOSER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE!"

The twisted samurai remained poise, barely lifting his head, allowing the crazy redhead to continue her charade.

"Fuhuhuhu!" She guffawed at him, eyes piercing in his direction. "Afraid!?" She lept onto the traditional american kotatsu, knees bent over his tea as she grabbed his black and white lapels, forcing her face to be inches from his.

"We're going to be best friends!"

And with little argument, she grabbed the samurai's giant bushy ponytail and launched him over the table, sending Simon flying right onto the countertop. Quickly, she dashed to the fridge and ripped the door from its hinges, removing the required ingredients for her cooking lesson. Her neck spun swiftly towards Simon, emitting a loud _CRACK!_ , eyes bored towards him as he was still slumped over the countertop.

Pulling him back with his bushy tail, she wailed, "Let's start with the broth! Envision these vegetables as your greatest enemy! Now! Pound them to dust with your fists!"

Simon gave her a slow head turn, eyes staring low at the vegetables before slamming with the same force that broke his thick metal cuffs, at full force, causing him to knock over a scallion.

"YEAH! YEAH!" Athena screamed, almost erotically. "OUR HEARTS ARE UNITING AGAINST THE SALTY INGREDIENTS! CAN YOU NOT FEEL THE DISCORD?!" Her blue eyes glistened maddeningly at him.

"Now it's my turn!" Athena completely decimated the vegetables, causing them to splatter across the kitchen wall and onto her face as if she committed murder. The only thing recognizable appeared to be the scallions and miso mixing.

Eyeing the mess on the wall, she turned to the samurai humbly, face covered in ingredients, "Uhh, we'll just scrape these into a bowl later. But for NOW!"

She dragged him towards the stove, pots at the ready, "… we add the noodles! Homemade noodles are the best! Just like Eldoon makes them! BUT I JUST BUY STORE-BRAND! THEY'RE THE CHEAPEST! Now, just put them in the pot!"

With no argument, Simon, threw everything into the pot as hard as he could, including the box. It clanked against the empty bottom of the pot.

"YEAH!" She screamed once more euphorically. "I'M INTO IT! Alright! Now it's time to stir the noodles! As a general rule of thumb, the more you stir… THE BETTER IT IS!"

She pulled him against her once more, rougher this time. "Ready? Let's do it!"

Simon began to stir the pot of noodles with a big wooden spoon. The noodles becoming softer and softer as they whirlpooled in the mix. Athena was enjoying the sight, but she needed more! _So much more!_

"Stir harder!" She screamed at him, almost begging. "HARDER! HARDER!"

When it seemed that she wasn't getting those satisfied results, she took action. "UGH! Let me do it!"

Thrusting her hands against his chest, Simon stumbled slightly backward, her hand reached onto his handle, unsheathing the sword from its holster. She gave a small cackle as the metal shined brightly. She thrusted the sword into the pot and stirred the noodles. The metal surfaces scraping onto each other, causing a ear piercing ring in the kitchen. Her ferocity caused sufficient damage to the pot, almost as if it was melting.

"Fuhuhuhu! That's the stuff!" Her breathing became erratic to the point of panting. She threw away the sword, not looking to where it was thrown, just satisfied that it landed on the floor with a _CLANK_!

"Alright, now for the final step: TURN UP THE HEAT IN HERE!"

She fiercely grabbed Simon by the back of his coat, fingers almost digging into the next fabric, dragging him back towards her. "Let the stovetop symbolize your passion! Let your emotions turn into burning fire!" Her hands flexing with emphasis.

"READY?" An unsteady breath drew threw her teeth, "Don't hold anything back!"

Simon twisted the knob of the oven top. Twisting and twisting the knob faster.

"Hotter!" Athena spat threw her teeth, "HOTTER, DARNIT!"

Simon continued to spin the dial, but Athena's eagerness wasn't pleased, "Ugh, let me do it!"

Athena spun the knob so fast in her quick fingers that the knob popped out of place. She shoved the broken knob into Simon's face, dangerously over the edge as the pot was engulfed in flames. "See?! This is how _you-_ "

 _ **BOOM!**_

Athena looked over her kitchen. Completely cinder and charred, pot literally melting, as well as left over steam and heat accumulated in the apartment. She stared blankly at what was left of the cooking. Just ashes. Her expression softened, slowly breaking until it finally landed on Simon.

"Ah! Man, no wonder Apollo sucks at cooking." Her head down, voice now cracking and low. But, it was no time to be completely down, she had a guest of course. Mustering as much enthusiasm she had left "So what's next? Scrapbooking? Friendship bracelets, cleaning up the court record?"

"…"

Simon didn't respond. The smell of burned food and furniture filled her nose. The silence was enough of an answer for her.

"...oh, who am I kidding," she sighed. "I really screwed this up, didn't I?"

Again. Silence from the twisted samurai, closed eyes in her direction. Small crackles were only audible from burnt remains of the apartment.

"I can't force you to like me, Simon." Minor melancholy in her tone, infinitesimal tears at the rim of her eyes. "Some people just don't get along with each other. I understand if you feel that way about me. And if we can't be friends…" She looked up once more at Simon, clearing her opaque eyes. "That's okay…"

"Because if we're not friends…"

" _ **IT MEANS I CAN DESTROY YOU WITHOUT REGRET!"**_

Athena, steam revived from her, not from the ashes of her home, ran towards the unscathed sword on the floor and picked it up. "I've been defeated… My apartment in shambles…" Sword at the ready in her hands, head low, red hair covering her eyes from view, pointing at the prosecutor. "I even failed to befriend you."

The yellow attorney's head rose up, eyes crazed with intent.

"That's it! I don't care if you're my guest anymore." She marched forward, bizarrely insane. "One match! All out on both sides! Prosecutor v.s Defense! It's the only way I can regain my lost pride!"

Her breathing became heavy huffs, threatening him over the kotatsu with his own weapon. By the look in her eye, Simon knew that she would have no hesitation to use it on him. Especially like this, emotions flashing all out on Widget like a angry acid-tripped rave party. Fine… If this is what she wants, then he was willing to give it to her. If it's what his master's treasure desired: to be challenged in her own territory, so be it. Simon launched his fists towards her, expression unchanged despite a sword currently aimed at him, as he used all his might to launch his attack towards her.

Athena stumbled back. Her megalomaniac expression frozen in place. She lowered her weapon, ever so slowly ebbing away from her grip until it hit the floor once more.

"What...?" She managed to squeeze out. "That's the best you can manage? Even attacking at full force?"

Her lower lip visibly quivering. "You just can't muster any intent to hurt me, huh?"

A small smile formed on her face, "… Heh, you know what? I actually don't want to hurt you either. At first, I hate the whole twisted samurai weeabo schitch, but…"

The smile grew into an embracing grin. "The way you just hit me now… reminded me of someone I train with every morning. Chords of Steel… Now I know you aren't just some wimpy weeabo."

Her eyes closing from soft tears, "You're a wimpy weeabo with a big heart!"

She picked up the sword, a gave it back to Simon "Now c'mon! … Let's get out this burning apartment! And go get some noodles from the Guy who actually makes them just right: Salty!"

Still covered in cremated remnants of her apartment, she walked towards the elevator of the apartment building. As she pressed the button and awaited the carrier, she turned to Simon softly. "I just remembered…! That was just the cooking lesson that I give to Apollo! Next time, I'm going to teach you how to clean the toilet!"


	18. More Than Just A Kid's Show

Thank you to a great writer and reader, JordanPhoenix! Small cameo of one of her characters from **Turnabout Everlasting**! Check her out!

I was also inspired by her recent story: **Crossfire - A Tale of Sir Blue Knight Vs. Sir Red Knight**

* * *

After a mentally exhausting day of work, the chief prosecutor managed to go home to his top floor luxurious suite.

"Good evening sir," Edgeworth's butler and suite caretaker acknowledged the prosecutor.

"Good evening, Hendricks." Edgeworth politely replied.

"Dinner is ready." The butler gestured. "Also, I will promptly take your suit when have finished dining to be dry cleaned."

Edgeworth entered the dining area where the elegant long table cloth coated the long dining table with shimmering silverware, piece de resistance as well as carefully folded and placed napkins and handkerchiefs. Anything to prevent the white and snowy cravat from ever being blemished if a spot were ever to drop on it, which was very unlikely. Hendricks placed his gloved hand over the silver lid and lifted, revealing Edgeworth's entree. "Dinner is served."

"Thank you, Hendricks." Edgeworth nodded.

After his sumptuous dinner, Edgeworth retired himself from his shoes and deluxe and exclusive magenta suit, to which Hendricks had picked up later for its cleaning. Edgeworth adjourned himself to the shower, releasing all the tension he gained from either talkative politicians or eager detectives. Finishing himself with his sleeping wear, he prepared himself a nice cup of the finest tea that he can purchase. With a freshly fine, warm and delicate tea in the beautiful china cup and plate, he slumped carefully into his arm chair. Smiling softly, he raised the remote on the small mahogany coffee table, causing the wall to move on an incline and uncover the hidden enormous HDTV from within. This was the day, one of the new reboots for Steel Samurai and Nickel Samurai Crossover with the guest, the Pink Princess of Little Neo Olde Tokyo. The warriors will battle, not only over the forces of new evil, but to also win over the heart of the beloved Princess. He raked inwardly over weeks to see this new reboot, and he wasn't planning on missing a second of it.

About half way through the movie, his tea cup was finished, his knees tucked inwardly towards his chest. His hands grappling onto the seat for dear life as he was ready for the victor to claim the romantic scene with the Pink Princess. The Samurai held her close, metal clashing as they held each other tenderly.

' _THIS IS IT!'_ Edgeworth screamed inwardly.

The two warriors intermingled their fingers, ever so close from their faces contacting. Edgeworth shook in his seat as they both began removing their masks. The silhouettes of the light ever teasing to reveal their faces and share their grand moment of intimacy. Oh How Edgeworth waited. Despite the cliche romance, still, for the hero to finally get the girl was bloodcurdling righteousness for his satisfaction of the movie climax.

Their masks were finally removed, but covered the scene all the while. It inwardly annoyed the prosecutor, but then again, he prompted, it is considered by the masses that it is a "children's" show, even though he disagreed due to its well played storyline, character development, plot twists, action, suspense, drama, and not to mention excellent voice acting were clearly and distinguishably capable of being considered more than a mere cartoon, but actually a series worth all ages! But despite those of lower tastes, he considered, he knew better and would not allow such ignoramus comments ruin the spectacle and possibly the highest rated show of the past two decades gets to his head.

"Oh… Samurai… You have won my heart, not only from your battle and endurance, but with such heartfelt feelings you have doused on me by your lips into my very metal alloid soul." She caressed the Samurai's face, though behind the mask, hiding the scene sinfully, the silhouette speaks it all in the moonlight.

"My Pink Princess of Little Neo Olde Tokyo… there is no evil or competition of my own brethren can ever separate this love that we share." The Samurai held the Princess's hand higher, bringing a small peck to her metal knuckles, "My love is only and solely just for you."

"Samurai…" The voice oozed sensuality, "This is a love that will transcend through time and our universes!"

Something about that irked Edgeworth the wrong way about that line. ' _A love that will transcend time…?'_

"Princess… in the beginning… I was scared. Never has a warrior had to experience a feeling such as love. We are hardened fighters, never to be saddled by unnecessary feelings. Made to fight for justice and the truth... but the real truth was something I was unwilling to accept."

"Why Samurai? WHY?"

"Because my Pink Princess, I was to scared to face my own fears. These newly found emotions I felt for you was something I was unable to comprehend… It disgusted me at first. Unwilling, unnerving to accept such a love that was tempted by fate… But… over time these feelings were really something I needed!"

"And now, My Samurai?"

"And now come to realize, that I fight for more than just justice, but the undying love that we now share."

They shared one more kiss, more passionate, but unveiling, to Edgeworth finally anticipated, seeing the excellent actors finally revealed.

The Samurai… was… was… _WAS!_

 _ **Him…?**_

Edgeworth was dumbfounded. What possible trickery was this. Was this smoke and mirrors? Was there a doppleganger of the Chief prosecutor? Did the Phantom escape and impersonated him as well as the Samurai?! Was this an Edgeworth from an alternate dimension? Or did the studio CGI place him in this scene which he did NOT give authorization or permission to put his visage on TV!? HOW DID THEY EVEN KNOW HE LIKED THE STEEL SAMURAI!?

All these questions buzzing in his head, trying to find some sort of logical explanation to this mystery! It wasn't until the Pink Princess pulled back and revealed her face.

" _ **N-N-N-N-NNNGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"**_

The Pink Princess was _Wendy OLDBAG!_

" _ **NO! NO! NO! THIS CANNOT BE! I FORBID IN ANY LOGICAL WAY OR FORM! THIS IS A TRICK! IT MUST BE! NEVER IN MY YEARS WILL I EVER EVEN CONSIDER THE VERY FIGMENT OF THE IDEA OF PLACING ANY SORT OF ADORATION TOWARDS THIS WOMAN! I REFUSE!"**_

"Oh… Edgey-poo… The audience is waiting for our grand finale." The Pink Princess Oldbag winked.

"Yes, it is, my love…" The Edgeworth Samurai slowly closed the gap between them.

" _NO STOP! NO!"_ Edgeworth screamed. He frantically searched the remote to turn off the forbidden love scene. " _ **IT'S NOT WORKING!"**_

Edgeworth practically mashed all the buttons to gain some sort of change from the horrendous scene. Literally any other substitute will suffice from the horribly torturous and grotesque scene his poor charcoal eyes were about to perceive.

They were getting closer!

With all his might, he threw the remote towards the giant TV, causing screen to smash the corner. His quick sigh of relief quickly died in his throat when he was still able to see the very place where lips were about to lock.

" _Oh...OH! Edgey-poo!"_

" _ **N-N-N-N-NNNGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"**_

* * *

"Edgeworth… Edgeworth! _MILES EDGEWORTH!"_

 _ **CRACK!**_

"AAAHHHHHH!" Edgeworth felt the crack of a whip hit him right across the face. His grey hair stuck to his forehead in a diabolic sweat. He felt the pain and sting of the whip resonate from his face, but he prefered that over what he had just endured.

"Miles Edgeworth! Please explain to me why you were so foolishly screaming and desecrating not only these sheets, but my sole wholey required beautyrest with your violent outburst?!" Franziska threatened the prosecutor beside her by cracking her whip.

"Franziska…!" Edgeworth noted the angry german woman besides him, almost fuming through her tired and interrupted eyes. He noticed the darkened room, only light casted was a lamp on the bedside where Franziska was.

' _It was only a dream?'_ He thought wearily. Of course… it's the only real logical explanation for such an experience to ever come to fruition. "Forgive me, Franziska… I had a nightmare that… Let us keep the details from ever coming to light."

"Foolish little brother… Another one of these outbursts will have you sleeping in the guest bedroom!" She angrily shuffled the sheets before turning off the lamp and heading to bed.

Edgeworth needed to cool down. A good splash will do nicely. After slinking out of bed and into the bathroom for a quick splash of cool water, he served himself a cool refreshing glass of water.

' _Never again…'_ He thought to himself spitefully as he slowly closed his eyes. "Never…"

"Silence, you fool!" Franziska yelled.

Several hours into the night, the closet door slowly opened. An eye peering towards the direction of the grey haired prosecutor. ' _Soon, my Edgey-poo… soon…'_


	19. I'm A What?

Just in case some companies don't want to get their corporate panties in a twist: Names belong to designated owners

* * *

The bumbling buffoon wasn't sure what was wrong with him. Surely enough, he considered himself a fairly decent guy, _more even!_ Larry, of course, always found himself at the back of the bus. Every single fine lady he would find and consider a potential wifey always left him. Either having several sugar daddies, found him unattractive, looked for other men, or blatantly had no interest in him.

Years and years of contemplation, he figured, it was the world. The world hated him of course! I mean, who could hurt such a good guy? He was no _Casanova_ , but he considered himself in league with the man! He would figure out some suitable way to bring his lover on a date. He just didn't figure out why girls didn't like McDonalds or Burger King. Seriously, they can have it their way! The thoughts constantly flowing in his head until he cried his sorry self to sleep.

It had to be from the beginning. Seriously, the only wrong thing he ever believed he had done was stole the lunch money from those kids, but he did kind of needed it due to his neglectful stepparents, and he technically paid the victim back. But karma shouldn't be whipping him a lifetime of pain and misery, without love or affection. Taking up art seemed to vent out those old pain and frustrations along with rotten potatoes at the loser shack at Hazakura. He managed to be very good with flicking a brush around, but that was about it. Picking up girls wasn't any easier, which he had thought the opposite would occur. With his mentor deceased, he believed he had something to do with it, with woman always disappearing just by the mention of his name. _If it stinks… It's usually the Butz_. His acting career fell down the drain and his snooping, which he referred to as ' _freebies'_ still ended in utter failure.

His pursuit back into art allowed him to afford a small cot in the city. Larry wasn't expecting any people to come by soon, so he tucked himself to bed. The apartment door busted open, causing pieces of wood to land on his sleeping bag. The ' _artist'_ trembled to see a old scraggly grey haired man in a segway, which was oddly made of wood and bristles that did a horrible job at covering his half naked state.

The crazed old man didn't even apologize for knocking down the door before making himself comfortable. Larry, stared the man up and down, partly disgusted, partly disturbed, but most of all was trying to figure out why a naked old man just busted into his apartment.

"Excuse me, but… Who are you?" Larry tried to gain this scraggly man's attention.

The man stared down at Larry, his height from the segway made him at least six inches off the ground. He pompously threw out his arms, "Yurius Cosmos! History maker and Captain of Gyaxa! Of course you know all about Gyaxa."

' _What is this old man talking about?'_ Larry thought disturbed. "Sorry… no…"

"NO?!" Cosmos yelped. ' _I guess I should make more Body Wash commercials…_ ' He continued. "Holy Stars, Larry! Didn't you ever wonder where your parents learned it all?!"

' _My parents?'_ Larry quipped. "Learned what?

A quick silent moment loomed as Yurius Cosmos leaned forward. "You're a _Wizard_ , Larry!"

"I'm a what?" Larry stuttered.

"A wizard, Larry! A bright and shooting one I'd wager!" The man continued boasting.

"No, You've made a mistake." Larry reasoned that this guy must have been a drunken hobo who had more than his fair share of post-Prohibition. "I can't be a wizard… I mean I'm just Larry!"

"Well… Just Larry…" Yuri sassed. "Did you ever make anything happen? Anything you couldn't explain when you were angry or scared?" The man questioned.

It hit him faster than a speeding comet. ' _Is this why everything so far has happened!?'_

"So you're saying I somehow make chicks disappear because I'm a Wizard?" His eyebrow flexed with emphasis.

"Well." Yuri cleared his throat. "I guess your magic may have been a reason."

"That sucks!" Larry screamed. "I make chicks disappear because of my powers that I can't even control?!"

"This is exactly why you need to come to Gyaxa!" Yuri further sat next to Larry, his modesty not even close to shame. "You can learn how to control your power there. You can even have them… come to you."

" _AAAHHH!"_ Larry screamed like a preteen girl. "Where do I sign up!? _**Now**_ OLD MAN!"

* * *

"What is that noise?" Solomon Starbucks shook his head groggily. He heard whooshes and whirls and loud pops. Someone was yelling to the top of their lungs.

" _ **ACCIO! ACCIO ACCIO! AHHHHHHHH!"**_

Starbucks kept his sleeping dazed mind and wobbly body drag against the wall as he came up to a horrendous scene: millions and millions of tiny yellow baby chickens and babies who were strangely on fire. There was a crazed man whirling his wand around in the middle of the tempest. Solomon rubbed his eyes and dared to speak, "What are you doing?!"

Larry turned awkwardly towards Solomon. "I'm trying to summon chicks and hot babes but it's not working!"

Yuri Cosmo sped down the hall with his segway, "10 POINTS TO GYAXA!"


	20. Finer Products

This was interesting skit that was requested by JordanPhoenix! (Girl You're a Genius!)

Forgive me for my horrible French impersonation!

* * *

" _Bonjour, Monseiur!_ I _'eard_ you sell la colgne, _non?"_ The Frenchy wo-man, swayed his arms, teasing the businessman with those cantaloupe biceps.

"HAHAHA! Not just cologne, peasant." L'Belle intricately and exquisitely lifted the bottle that smelled similar to drenched daffodils or a wet cookie. "This is _TOP_ of the line!"

He lightly spritzed his concoction, believing to bathe himself upon the inordinate cloud of finesse the bottle spat onto his flesh. The very amalgamation of cheap water and floral scents for baptizing and cleansing himself of supposed smell and freshen his soul with his self proclaimed product. "The way of beauty goes to the aroma as well."

"Ah!" Jean giddily shook his flamboyant self further, " _Ze aroma!_ " tongue clicking against every syllable. The red curls dancing upon his rounded face like Medusa's children. _"'owever,_ I can tell, _monseuir._ _'Zese_ oils outmatch your petty _cologne!_ "

Jean brought out his arsenal of aroma therapeutic oils from his crate. The flower headed bottles threatened with their imminent gracious scents.

"Oh! HAHA!" The purple suited fruit cake, L'Belle, simply laughed at the pink chef. "That is where you're mistaken." His teeth glistened to a devilish grin, partly covered by the fingers that now resided upon his lips. "You cannot compare your generic garbage to _L'Belle's finer products!"_

Playfully offended, the pink chef disputed. "You can't ' _zell z'ese_ products even if you tried. _Z'ey_ differ on e'vry aspect. From _quantity to quality!"_

L'Belle kept his unbothered face at bay; however, it was only a matter of time before this mediocre French cook was going to get under his skin.

"The mere idea of your Febreze scented extra _VIRGIN_ olive oil is just the laughing stock of your pride." L'Belle cut deep and he planned on shoving his pretty little daggered words further. The main objective, is to cut that French crescent. "I believe you would have a more gluttonous shot of having a customer eat a dish from your _restaurant_ than to sell your butter."

"OY!" Jean screeched as if his skirt was publicly lifted from the gust of a street vent.

"And to further your ' _success_ ', the oil is but a complementary toy to your _Tragic Meals!_ " L'Belle guffawed. "No one is _LOVIN'_ any of the monstrosities you create!"

" _Telle absurdité arrive mes oreilles!"_ Jean wriggled in frustration. "Sez le _monseiur_ whose _'air iz'_ cov'red in _crayola pas'te._

L'Belle flinched at the chef's comment. "UH! Such lies coming from your pompous Frenchy Chef _Fouteur De Merde_!"

"No _person_ _wiz' 'ze_ right sanity would buy f'rom _you!_ You're _'air 'as_ done more _'zan tasted 'ze rainbow!"_ Jean winked wickedly.

' _This he-she-it whatever-Devil!'_ L'Belle snapped inwardly. "If _THAT_ is so… Then how do _YOU_ propose we settle this!"

 _Z'ere's_ only one way to sol've _z'is!_ " Armstrong teasingly fiddled with the rose in his hands. "A match!"

"Oh!" The flamboyant L'Belle piqued. "Are YOU challenging ME?"

"Oui, _monseiur!"_ Jean approached his debauched foe. "Un'd I plan on winning!"

"Hahah! Very well!" L'Belle squeezed the floral on his chest, quipping his eyes nonchalantly. "What are YOUR terms?"

The Frenchy chef turned, walking lightly away, "We will fight, wiz' our weapons! _To 'ze deaz'!"_

L'Belle smiled smugly, "But I must warn you, my gender confused friend! I once worked with a professional wrestler!"

"' _Za_ t matters not! ' _Ze products_ speak for 'zemselves!" Armstrong flexed.

* * *

"Ladies and Frenchymen...ow...okay okay…" The bailiff cleared his throat. "Ladies and Frenchymen! Feast your eyes on two entrepreneurs who will fight to the death! Cage match, no fists or kicking. ONLY the best of French Aromatics and Therapeutics!"

"That's the spirit!" Maya and Maggey yelled in unison in their Tres Bien outfits.

"In this corner!" The bailiff pointed towards a darkened barred corner. "You have the owner of _Tres Bien,_ with an annual income of a typical cashier of the 1990s and…"

"' _EY!_ I make more ' _zan 'zat!"_ Jean fiddled offensively.

The bailiff continued. "... expensive foods for expensive taste, the muscular, the master of therapeutic oils… the French chef… _JEAN ARMSTRONG!"_

"OY! _'Ze_ limelight iz beau'tiful!" Jean wiggled.

"And in this corner… his opponent. The man once worked with a professional wrestler, and took down two at once! Currently in debt of millions, the unpredictable, hair adapting... "

"FOOL! Don't mock the hair!" L'Belle sneered.

"...Holy water spritzing cologne handler…. Florent L'Belle!"

"Yeah! Hehe! Go boss!" Phineas Filch peeped.

"Opponents get ready!"

"You got this Mr. Armstrong!" Maya patted down the sweat from Jean's face.

"Yeah, go out and get him, sir!" Maggey saluted, pulling at the cage bars.

"' _Zank_ You _so_ MUCH girlz! I don't plan on loz'ing!" Armstrong giddily waltzed.

L'Belle saw all the attention his rival was receiving. "Pamper me, peasant!" L'belle lifted his chin to the sky.

"Y-yes sir!" Filch scampered and peppered Florent's face.

"Girls! Passe me my weapons!" Jean gave a hardened look of determination.

Maggey held open a blue case fill with Armstrong's arsenal as Maya pointed. "Choose your best! We have Egyptian Lavender, Ylang-Ylang, Raging Rosemary… we even have Chamomile!"

"'Mmmm…" Armstrong saw the arranged flower headed oils and made his decision on two. _"'Zese two!"_

"Good choice, sir!" Maggey yelled.

"Pass me my most definite best sellers!" L'Belle beckoned. Filch passed two bottles, decorated with giant roses upon the heads. "Here! These two actually sold once last month!"

"No one asked for your statistics!" Florent snarked. Filch retreated under the bench, moping.

The bailiff centered in the ring, the French men staring death into each other's eyes. Rosey cheeks against a pale complexion.

"I want a clean and good scented fight! No dirty tricks, no punches, kicks, shoving, below the belts or breast hits!"

 _ **DING! DING! DING!**_

 _The bell had rung…_

"AAHHH!" Jean fully charged the pompous purple man. He felt a spritz hit his chest, wetting the pink outfit. "OY!"

"You have to be quicker than that, peasant." Florent quipped.

Jean was on one knee, obscuring his look from his foe, _"'A! 'A!"_ Look again, my _blind friend!"_

"What?!" Florent looked down to see his suit smudged in unremovable oil stain. "No! This was my finest wear! You'll _pay_ for this!"

Florent went spritz-blazing towards Jean more than Macy's perfume department workers on a Saturday night. Jean managed to quickly dodge a few gusts of his poison by jumping into the air, until L'Belle pulled a dirty trick of throwing one directly into Jean's landing, causing him to taste a bit on his lips.

 _ **SLAP!**_

Florent stumbled back, feeling a thick oil run down his cheek to his chin. He sniffed angrily. "Lavender…"

" _Eg'yptian Lavendar_ , to you, _Monsieur!_ " Jean corrected.

" _RRRAAAHH!_ " L'Belle began showering Jean's vicinity in the sugar sweet scent from the barrels of his bottles. There was a huge myst created by the cologne and perfume, trapping Jean. His red hair swooshing left and right to see himself cornered.

"Get him!" Filch yelled.

" _No…_ I am trapped!" It finally dawned upon the chef. L'Belle ran through the mist unfazed, releasing an entirely wet barrage onto the poor chef. His body ricocheting dramatically against the foggy attacks. His pink outfit becoming drenched in a horrible concoction of dollar store sprays. He saw the world fading, his vision blurred by the burning liquid now drenching his visage. Jean fell to the ground, his cheeks bouncing upon impact. The bailiff began the countdown… the world slow but still audible as it echoed.

 _ **1…! 2…!**_

Jean could see from the cloudy atmosphere, Florent L'Belle, laughing at the fallen state of his near defeat. He could see the orange figments of white appear to be yelling his name.

" _ **Mr. Armstrong…! Get up…!"**_

 _No._ There was no point in getting up. He could see the bailiff closing in on the countdown. His enemy had defeated him. He couldn't believe it. His restaurant, his oils, _his life…_ had fallen onto the ring. He didn't think that simple spritz can outdo his oils… even after admitting, his restaurant never really did get that many customers, solely being an old man, workers came and went. No there was no reason to get up. He was going to stay on the floor. No one ever stood by him.

 _ **3…! 4…!**_

 _Except…_

' _ **Ze oils…**_

The oils that were meant to be healthy for the soul and body. To relax even the most wildest of men. They always stood there as he cooked and cleaned. They were put in beautiful bottles to match their beautiful benefits. It hit him then. They were always there for him! And he must be there for them!

 _ **He will not lose! He will fight!**_

As soon as the bailiff was about to call the last number, Jean sprung up from his resting state.

"Yeah! Go Armstrong!" Maya and Maggey screamed.

"And Jean Armstrong is back up!" The bailiff yelled into the mic.

"You haven't had enough?" Florent giggled. "You just don't know when to quit!"

" _Nev'er_! I must fight for _'ze OILS!"_ Jean roared.

"Hmph! I'll have to put you DOWN again."

Jean focused on the multi-colored haired man approaching quite rapidly, fingers on the bottle heads. His brows furrowed as he ducked and washed some oils upon the ring floor. L'Belle slipped, landing flat on his back in shock. Jean took the opportunity to straddle his opponent and completely open one of the bottles and dump all of the contents right onto Florent's unready face. Jean raked and massaged the oils with professional fingers all over Florent's face. His face shined brightly as his pores were intruded by therapeutic essence.

"No!" Florent yelled. Desperately, the violet man pressed the flower attached to his chest, spritzing the unsuspecting chef in the eyes. _"OY! NON!"_

Both stopped to wipe their eyes. Jean quickly recovered, but L'Belle wasn't so lucky. The thick substance too viscous to remove from his eyes. Jean continued his attack. Florent flailed to desperately under the chef. The oils were taking effect. The relaxing scents taming the pompous man. Florent finally ceased, the oils drooping into his hair, causing the color to drip off, revealing grey hairs.

The bailiff screamed. _**1…! 2…! 3…! 4…! 5…! YOU'RE OUT!"**_

The ring was showered with confetti. "Yeah! We knew you could do it!" Maya fist pumped the air ferociously.

"B-boss no!" Filch thrashed against the bars.

The cage was removed. The French chef, settled himself against the rope, huffing softly as his red hair drooped downward, soaked. "You did good out there, sir!" Maggey dabbed off the wet perfume and sweat from the Frenchman.

"I _'ad_ to _protec'_ the pride of _'ze_ oils!" Armstrong huffed. "No one insults _'Ze Oils!_ "

He had done it. Jean Armstrong had shown that his oils can outmatch any perfume or cologne anyday.

"Come on, girlz. Let's celebrate at _Tres Bien!"_

Maggey and Maya stared at each other for a moment and thought about the last time they ate there.

" _Nah, We're good."_


	21. AI: Artificial Infatuation

This was requested by a faithful and awesome reader, Prophet Mustache, quite some time ago, but I did it with my own twist! I hope it came out really good for you!

* * *

The pace in the office was rather slow. ' _Surprisingly really!_ ' Athena thought.

There was always something to do in the office. Organizing Trucy's magic props, organizing the previous court record files, cleaning her desk, morning ritual ' _Chords of Steel'_ practice with Apollo: " _ **I'm FINE!"**_ Cleaning the toilet, checking her email, and even her yoga stances. But everything was complete. Sparkly clean and organized, the office was. Athena would consider this grand and relief from the usual hecticism, but her eagerness turned eventually to anxiety with nothing productive to do. She scurried down the hall to Apollo's office to see if he were in. Opening the door revealed his absence. Partially dumbfounded, she walked to her boss's usual spot.

"Boss?" Athena inquired. "Where is Apollo?"

Mr. Wright looked up at his employee, comforting her with a smile, "Apollo and Trucy went out to advertise for the ' _Wright Anything Agency'_ and look for potential clients."

"What?!" Athena yelled angrily, her hands gripping into fists, "They went without _me?!_ "

Phoenix was slightly taken aback by her outburst. "They said they didn't want to bother you. You seemed busy with your own office space."

She replied with a groan. "I wasn't that busy, Mr. Wright. I was actually trying to find something to occupy myself."

Wright replied with a hearty laugh. "One day the office gets all of its chores done and you don't find a way to relax."

She settled herself onto the couch. She could call Apollo and Trucy to see where they are, but by time she would probably catch up, they would be arriving back to the office.

"Don't take it too much to heart, Athena." He said comfortingly. "Maybe next time they'll take you. No doubt with you and Trucy there, a client is definite to appear."

"Thanks boss." She said happily. "I know much about heart." She clicked Widget, bringing the blue holographic screen in front of her.

"Me too." Phoenix took out his magatama, staring at the jade jewel in his hands.

Several slides and browsing her email for the third time came to a halt as she eyed her boss, staring down at the strange green ornament. "Boss, what is that?"

Phoenix looked up to Athena's face, chiseled with curiosity. "This old thing? Was from a great friend. One day you'll meet her."

Athena walked up to Mr. Wright, eyeing the piece with interest, "It must be very special."

"Yes. It is. It let's me see the secret within one's heart." He grinned.

"Wait…" Athena glanced at him oddly. "What do you mean you can see the secret's within people's hearts?"

Phoenix looked at his younger cohort smugly. "I can see the secret's within one's heart in the form of locks. Though, only the beholder can see the locks."

The yellow attorney had a hard time keeping up, "how is that even possible? Is this some sort of magic trick?"

Mr. Wright could only laugh at her confusion. "Far from it, Athena. This prized possession has been with me for years. Think of it as a lie detector… except much more complicated…"

Athena was intrigued. ' _A sort of lie detector?!'_ She could feel the heat of excitement unraveling her chest. Widget was flashing between green and yellow, and turning slowly to pink. "So you can see into people's hearts too, Mr. Wright?!"

"I sure can." His face downward, but with a smug grin plastered right onto it.

"Wow!" She hopped, Widget became brighter in color. "We're not that different then! Boss and cohort… _ergh…no… I got it!_ _...Lawyers of the Courthouse and of the Heart!"_

"That sounds better." Mr. Wright piqued. "Just don't let it get to your head now."

"I'll try not too!" She smiled, flashing her signature peace sign. The gadget wrapped around Athena's neck stared at the green nine shaped crystal in Wright's hand. Widget kept buzzing and buzzing, almost vibrating violently against her neck. The yellow attorney finally took notice. "...! Widget!"

Widget was displaying extreme shades of pink and green. Hearts displaying over the eyes in it's face. "Do I have any new messages?"

The gadget chimed, which can be described as an contented hum, " _ **Love!"**_

Athena's face reddened to a beet, emitting the heat of Mount Saint Helen's lava. Phoenix's eyes almost bugged out of their sockets as he heard the gadget repeat itself, " _LOVE!"_

"WIDGET!" Athena screamed. The embarrassment spread as she eyed her boss, as if he saw a bomb in front of his face. " _M-M-Mister W-Wright!_ This is some sort of mistake!"

"Love… _Love!_ _ **LOVE!**_ " The contraption kept screaming in its mechanical voice.

Phoenix remained frozen as he saw his employee almost trying to tug the thing off her neck. " _Widget, stop!"_

" _NO!"_

The mechanical voice sounded angry, flashing her with red. It began tugging her, pulling her by the neck towards Mr. Wright. " _WHAT'S GOING-!"_

The yellow attorney was almost being dragged by some invisible force, causing her be thrown right towards her boss. Mr. Wright barely had time to register what was happening, reflexively throwing his arms upward as she collided against him, causing them to topple over the desk.

"Love!" Widget sounded extremely passionate despite the dull robotic voice. Athena found herself splayed on top of Mr. Wright, his face tinged pink as they both tried to comprehend what was going on. Athena's head was forced downward towards Mr. Wright's chest, the necklace almost hurting from such force. Mr. Wright's mouth dropped as he realized what the gadget was after. "LOVE!"

Widget's face was rubbing affectionately at the magatama laying against his chest, a green face so happy with giant pink blushes occupied the screen. It was starting to kiss the magatama, caressing it with it's own glassy face. It sighed happily, snuggling itself against the hard green surface.

"Widget!" Athena yelled, attempting to raise herself off her boss. "Is that what you were after?!"

"Mmhmm…" The gadget chimed, hearts descending onto the screen. Athena and Wright could only stare, wondering how long they would have to be awkwardly positioned on top of the desk before the gadget had finished. After several attempts to release herself and him trying to move, it wasn't working. That gadget Metis made somehow had unworldly strength. Athena lowly groaned, "I guess we're _**in-laws**_ now, Mr. Wright..."

"Stop…" He grimaced.

Just as it appeared Widget was about to run out of battery, to her and Mr. Wright's relief, the magician and red attorney came through the office door. Apollo and Trucy's face went from accomplished to overwhelming, overbearing and unfathomable confusion and shock. Athena and Mr. Wright stared horridly at Apollo and Trucy, their faces morphing with all kinds of emotion.

"Wait! Trucy!"

"Apollo! No! It's not what it looks like!"

" _LOVE!"_

" _ **SHUTTUP WIDGET!"**_


	22. Adrian Andrews: Drama!

"It's almost time. Ahem!" She finished her makeup. _Small dab here. Small dab there. Aaaand done!_

She could already hear the audience cheering. She picked up her notebook, grabbed the mic and headed towards the curtains. She could already hear the people screaming her name behind the giant fabric obscuring her view.

 _Adrian! Adrian! Adrian!_

Adrian giggled to herself, so ecstatic and excited. Working with all types of movie productions, managers and stars, she managed to get her own talk show! Named right after her, no less. It felt great, and she was more than sure, her mentor would be proud. She felt a small tear tug at the corner of her eye. ' _Oh! But now is not the time to be sad. I have a cast to show and an audience to entertain!'_

She could hear her co-host/body guard narrating her entry. " _Ladies and Gentlefools…"_

Adrian could've sworn she could've heard the prosecutor's teeth clench, but soon relaxed.

" _...Presenting your honorary host, Adrian Andrews."_

The curtains divided, blinding lights almost creating spots in her vision, she can see the audience. They were clapping as she made her way towards the end of the stage as she waved. Most were excited, a few puzzled. She could barely overhear a strange old man wearing a monocle commenting that he thought Adrian was a man. But she wasn't going to let that stop her. The host stood in the middle of the stage. The lively crowd was still shouting until Adrian brought the mic to her lips.

"Thank you all for coming to AAD, Adrian Andrews: Drama! Today we have an interesting drama between two love interests. However, one of them likes to bring in others to the fray, to which our guest has fallen victim to. Everyone, please welcome…

 _...Apollo Justice!"_

Everyone applauded as they saw the red attorney, Apollo Justice, walking from behind a curtained corridor, down a tiny flight of steps and towards the chair near Adrian. Adrian could tell he looked very nervous, an emotional wreck just about to heave, his horns even down as his mood. She shook his hand, gave him a soft hug and gestured him to sit down. His palms held his giant forehead as his elbows rested on his knees. He looked about ready to tank.

Adrian brought the mic back to her mouth. "Apollo Justice is a hard working lawyer at the Wright Anything Agency, here in Los Angeles, Japanifornia. A lot of you have probably heard of his cases. A prestigious young man his age to have a lawyer licence!"

' _Prestigious… Hmph!'_ Franziska quipped.

"Yet, just like defendant's of his cases, he has fallen victim! A victim to countless affairs of his lover!"

" _ **BOOOOOOO!"**_ The crowd yelled.

Adrian raised her hands to steady the crowd. "Apollo believed he had fallen in love with a fellow participant at the office."

" _H-he-he_ captured _my heart!_ " Apollo stifled through sniffles.

" _ **AWWWWWW!"**_ The crowd mellowed.

"Mr. Justice claims that ever since he and his lover have been dating, everything went downhill when his lover decided to mess around whenever Justice was not present."

" _ **BOOOOOO!"**_

"These are Apollo Justice's thoughts…" Adrian turned towards enormous screens behind her, a video played on the tv. It was Apollo, distraught and teary.

" _I've been with Charley since I came to the Wright Anything Agency, that was nearly two years ago! When I first saw Charley, I fell in love with him. Every day I come to the office at 6 a.m., practice my Chords of Steel, cleaned the toilet, and I would always make time to take tender care of him. I water him and check the pH of his soil! Charley was everything to me!_

… _When I found out Charley was cheating on me… I was devastated! First I suspected Athena, but then I realized it was Mr. Wright…! I tried to seek all kinds of professional help to fix our relationship. I even went to a sheriff! And I caught him pole dancing with a cactus as people were throwing money at him, making it 'rain!' Evidence is everything! I found Charley back at the office with money… I know money doesn't grow on trees! And the money on that stage smelled like soil! You don't need a bluff to prove that one!_

… _I really want to stay with Charley… That's my sweet Cordyline Stricta and I want to make it work. That's why I came to Adrian Andrews. Let's cut these bad branches, Charley…"_

" _ **AAAAAWWWW…"**_

"As you can see… Apollo is here today… Not only to bring about the truth in this fiasco, but to fix his relationship." Adrian sat down next to Apollo, still balling his eyes out in his hands. "So, Apollo, what made you suspect Charley was cheating on you before the whole pole-dancing thing?"

Apollo mumbled lowly, forcing Adrian to put the mic near him. "I know Charley has been in the office… longer than I have. I know he has a history with Mr. Wright."

"So, you believe that Mr. Wright is having an affair with Charley behind your back?"

"Isn't it obvious?! I know Mr. Wright is Charley's ex. He admitted it. Whenever I'm taking cases, I know that Mr. Wright secretly waters Charley when I'm not there! Athena even caught Mr. Wright eyeing Charley up and down!"

" _ **BOOOOOO!"**_

Adrian gasped, "he _**waters**_ Charley?! Though, Apollo… Isn't it necessary for a plant to be watered?"

Apollo moped. "Yes. But not how Mr. Wright does it! It's more than a simple water! He does other things too!"

Adrian could only shake her head. "Well Apollo. This is what Mr. Wright had to say." They all turned back towards the screen. They could see the blue attorney.

" _Apollo… I am your boss and I respect you as my employee. Yes, I had a history with Charley and there are old flames, but I respect your relationship. I have to constantly defend myself when I come within even ten feet of Charley. The office isn't even that big! How am I supposed to navigate through that?!_

 _That time at the Aquarium, the stunt when Charley was next to me was an innocent talk! I wasn't touching Charley provocatively! He was just offended that I pulled that coconut off a distant cousin and I was trying to comfort him! The office used to be efficient and had trust within each one of the staff members, but that's gone now. I'm here to prove that I am not guilty of an sort of adultery between me and Charley!"_

' _You sure have gone low, Phoenix Wright… Where did this fetish of yours_ _ **stem**_ _from?'_ Franziska eyed the screen.

Apollo finally managed to look towards Adrian. "He says that, but you can tell the bluff in that speech of his!"

"Why is that, Apollo?" Adrian questioned.

"Because every time I question him about Charley, he tenses up!" He clenched his wrist. "My bracelet always reacts when someone is hiding the truth!"

"Mr. Wright does have a _right_ to testify against that." Adrian gestured. "Everyone please welcome, _Phoenix Wright!"_

" _ **BOOOOOO!"**_

Apollo angrily rose himself and eyed the other offending chair where he knew where his boss would sinfully sit next to him. There was no way he would allow that any time _soon!_ Removing the chair from its original spot, he placed it almost 6 feet away and stamped it in its new territory. He then proceeded to stomp his way back towards his chair, his arms crossed and brows furrowed towards the man in blue.

" _ **BOOOOOO!"**_

Phoenix shook his head before throwing his arms towards the audience. He saw the angry red attorney, then his chair, which was quite far from them. He simply shrugged and sat down. In order to accommodate, Adrian stood up and walked towards Mr. Wright to shake his hand.

"Mr. Wright, you're Apollo's boss, right?"

"Yes. That's how it's supposed to be anyway..."

"You would respect your employees personal lives as well?"

"Of course! This whole thing is ridiculous! I wouldn't do anything to offend any of my employees!"

"You don't believe any ' _old feelings'_ you've had with Charley may cause any unusual behavior behind Apollo's back?"

"I've saddled many people with unnecessary feelings… But Charley is different."

" _ **SEE!"**_ Apollo shouted. "There is something going on when I'm not in the office! Mr. Wright won't even let me take Charley out of the office to bring to my apartment!"

"Mr. Wright!?" Adrian gasped. "Is this true?!"

" _Erh…!"_ Wright stuttered. "Apollo can't remove Charley from the office. He's a part of the office!"

"How dare you talk about Charley like that?!" Apollo yelled. "He's no object! He's a living being! And I love him!"

" _ **BOOOOOO!"**_

"Apollo, calm down! That's not what I meant!" Wright retorted. "He's part of the office. That's where he lives and where his owner once worked."

"But Mr. Wright… you're still referring Charley as a an object." Adrian spoke.

"I don't know what Charley sees in you when you refer to him like that!" Apollo crowed angrily.

"I keep Charley in the office because that's where he respectfully lives. His…" Phoenix stopped. "Well… his mother was once my mentor. Removing Charley would be disrespectful."

"As you can see folks, there are fiery claims between both sides here… But despite this not being a court of law, there is a witness who is yet to give their testimony…" Adrian turned towards the two lawyers. "Charley also deserves a word of his own in this." She turned back towards the audience. "Oddly enough… only the Wright Anything Agency workers could understand Charley, so we had a botanist translate what our green friend had to say in order to prevent any bias between the workers… This is what Charley had to say…"

The screen once again displayed the witness, the green Palm Lily stood in its pot shaking wildly to emphasize his important speech.

 _(The both of you seriously need to get your act together. I do what I want! There is no_ ' _ **who goes with who'**_ _when it comes to me! I am the Wright Anything Agency Mascot, I represent this office! You should see these two. Trying to tease me everytime! Apollo disrobes his blazer on the couch next to me, while Phoenix puts his beanie near that trophy to remind me of_ " _ **Old Times."**_ _I've been through so much, and you two both neglected me! Phoenix, you would let that crazy medium, Maya, overwater me until I was swollen and one time you were okay with that psychotic sciency chick, Ema, adding some weird substance that tasted like monkey piss that made me turn yellow for a week! Thank God for phytoremediation! And you Apollo! You didn't like me at all in the first place! I was always a burden to you! And one time, I remember this well! Oh! I remember this_ _ **so so**_ _well! You took toilet water and poured it on me to hurt Phoenix just because he wanted to pay you the bills at the office the first six months when you were working there! Bessie was more fun to hang out with!_

 _The real victim here is me! There is no ring on these leaves! And if you guys don't like it, tough!)_

' _That is one sassy plant…'_ Franziska thought.

" _PSYCHOTIC!?"_ Ema screamed in the audience.

" _CRAZY!?"_ A voice yelped backstage.

"You _**poured toilet**_ water on Charley!?" Mr. Wright yelled.

"You let _other_ people abuse Charley?!" Apollo screamed right back.

Their chairs flew in opposite directions of their launch as they hastily stood up. The lawyers faced one another until their foreheads knocked right into each other. Fists were about to be thrown.

 _ **CRACK!**_

" _AHHH!"_ They both cried in unison. The sting of the whip made them both flinch away from each other. "There will be no foolish fighting in here with your foolishly foolish ribaldry! _**Sit down!"**_

Franziska cracked the whip in her hands with emphasis. The crowd cheered! They both gave each other deathly glares before picking up their chairs and sat, their arms crossed. "This is definitely a dramatic case we have here for the premiere of this show! Now the moment you've all been waiting for, please welcome Charley!"

The crowd was mixed with _**BOOOOOOs!**_ And _**YAAAAAAAYs!**_ As the plant was being expertly exported by a botanist, he was seated right next to Adrian. Both Apollo and Wright stared at the plant, their emotions having not even an ounce of restraint. Adrian raised her hands to quiet the crowd. She eyed the plant in confusion, not entirely sure how to greet it properly, she simply grabbed one of the growing leaves and shook it, sheepishly.

"You're grabbing his stamen…" Apollo grumbled.

"OH!" Adrian flushed pink before relinquishing the plant. "Uhm… sorry! I didn't know."

The plant shook. The botanist spoke, "he said ' _not a problem.'_ " The plant shook again. "He asked if you can do it again."

"Oh! NO! Absolutely not!" Adrian cleared her throat before wiping her hand of pollen. "Now… Charley, you just admitted that Mr. Wright and Mr. Justice have no say on your actions."

The plant shook violently. "He said ' _Duh! I need a real person who can ruffle my leaves right and treat me like a real Cordyline. I haven't had it easy. I'm just on my search for the right one.'_ "

"We understand both parties have faults of their own when it comes down to Charley's feelings." Adrian spoke in the mic, "But you shouldn't be residing to promiscuous antics to get back at them."

"' _Don't be assuming anything they say. I will admit that I did dance with a cactus, but it was her idea! And Apollo, I wasn't doing anything with Mr. Wright when you threw Athena off the poop deck. My cousin Chuck had to take months to grow back the complete rack of coconuts just because Wright thought it was fitting in the script to have a coconut coolatta,'_ " the botanist said. '" _I have needs. Needs that for some reason you can't accommodate to all!'_ "

"Charley, we believe that this behavior may have been derived from some sort of traumatic experience that you may have went through some time ago." Adrian interrupted.

"' _What?!"'_

"Yes." Wright interrupted. They all looked right at the lawyer. "And to prove that I haven't done anything behind my own employee's back, I invited someone."

"' _Who?'"_

"We invited Maya here." Adrian looked at the botanist. He cleared his throat before looking at Charley. "Plants do go through stress too, of course, it is not always visual signals but chemicals signals. For example, no offense Charley, when grass is cut, the smell emitted from the cut grass is a gas that warns other plant life, especially to their own kind that danger is coming. Your _uhm… unique_ case may be solved with a bit of therapy."

"I can do that!" Athena piped from the audience.

"No. No. Plants don't have hearts." He informed.

"Oh…"

"Everyone… Please welcome, Maya Fey!" Adrian gladly announced.

" _ **YAAAAAAAY!"**_

The whole entire crowd applauded. At first, Maya came out with an angry look directed towards Charley, ' _ME? Crazy! I took care of you.. You dirty!'_ But as soon as she saw the attention, she just had to clasp her hands and bow. Mr. Wright was unsurprised, ' _Darnit Maya… You're supposed to be the Master of the Kurain Spirit Channeling Technique. A bit more class to that entrance would be nice!'_

"Hey guys, what's up?!" Maya introduced herself. She walked up to Adrian and gave her a hug before sitting between Phoenix and Apollo. Apollo and Charley gave her an odd look. "Hello, Miss Maya Fey. We know that this may be hard for you, and perhaps Mr. Wright and Charley as well, but in order to solve this problem, we need your help."

"No problem!" She winked. "It's what I do. Plus, this could be a wonderful reunion!"

"' _What is she doing?'"_ the botanist translated.

"This is for your own good Charley!" Wright turned, determination gleamed on his face.

"' _What do I look like?! One of your witnesses? You're not getting under my cell walls!"'_

Maya clasped her hands together before her Magatama glowed. She slowly morphed, gaining several inches in many places of her body until the plant shook in a tantrum. "' _Mama?!"'_

"Charley…" Mia had a sad smile across her face. The whole entire crowd gasped loudly. "This is Mia Fey, ladies and gentlemen." Adrian responded. They were all quiet, save for the breathing in the room.

"' _Mama!'"_ The plant convulsed. "' _Why are you here? This has nothing to do with you!'"_

Mia only shook her head. "Yes it does Charley… And I have heard you've been behaving badly… Why? I raised you so much better than that."

Charley smacked the botanist across the face with a branch, forcing the botanist to turn him away from Mia's view by the pot.

"Charley…?" Mia knelt down near the potted plant. "You have all these people here to take care for you, to watch over you, yet you hurt them? Why?"

"' _ **BECAUSE!'"**_ The plant smacked the botanist again, he turned the pot, making Charley face Mia. "' _They don't take care of me how you treated me! I remember when it was just you and me and whatever clients came to Fey Law Offices! But then!_ _ **THEN!"**_ The plant smack the botanist again, this time making him carry the pot along the stage, in ponderance. It was a struggle at first, the plant was rather tall. '" _You died!"'_

Everyone eyed the botanist carrying the pot along the stage, small droplets of water coming out of the leaves. '" _I couldn't do anything to save you. I saw that mean man kill you! And I couldn't do anything! I was too small! I fell over…'"_

Another smack hit the botanist, he huffed as he placed the potted plant in front of Mia. The leaves were wilted in shame. "And who brought that man to justice?" Mia questioned.

The plant perked up, "' _Mr. Wright…'"_

"And who took care of you when I was gone?"

"' _Maya…'"_

"Who took care of you when Phoenix was disbarred?"

"' _Apollo…and sometimes Athena.'"_

"I know they didn't take care of you like I did, but they're trying, Charley. Why can't you see that? No one will always be as good as the Mom, but you have to understand, not everyone is the same…" Mia said. "If you don't know… Always go back to the _basics."_

The botanist sniffed and simulated crying. Mia hugged Charley. "Are you going to be a good Cordyline?"

"' _Y-yes…'"_

"Good."

" _ **AAAAAWWWW…"**_

There was a small sniffle in the audience that came specifically from the man in the monocle. "Goodbye, Charley."

"' _Goodbye, Mama.'"_

Mia shrunk until Maya realized she was hugging Charley. "I hope you're sorry."

"' _I am… you're not crazy.'"_

"Good!" She released the plant. "I'm hungry! That's what channeling does. Nick, let's go! It's on you!" Maya perked.

" _WHAT?!_ Why am I dragged into this?!" Phoenix grimaced.

"Do you feel better now?" Adrian smiled towards the plant.

"' _YES!'"_

" _ **YAAAAAAAY!"**_

"But we're not done yet, people!" Adrian turned to Apollo.

Apollo walked up to the plant, he could tell, the plant was sad, asking for forgiveness. "I still love you Charley…"

The plant sprung up, "'I love you too!'"

Mr. Wright approached Apollo, he had that shit-eating grin on his face. "Yeah yeah…" Apollo waved before shaking his boss's hand. "I'm sorry, Mr. Wright."

"It's okay Apollo, but you're cleaning the toilet for a month." He declared.

" _ **WHO CARES!"**_ Apollo cheered before looking at Charley, "I have a more important person to worry about."

" _ **AAAAAWWWW… Ughhhh…!"**_

The crowd blanched as they saw Apollo open mouth kissed the plant, grabbing as many leaves as he can between his lips.

"And… there we have it! Thank you, everyone for coming to Adrian Andrews: Drama! Goodnight!"

" _ **WAIT!"**_

Everyone froze. The source came from the medium's mouth. "Miso Ramen! I _**MEAN**_ Burgers! Everyone! It's on Nick's tab!"

" _ **MAYA NO!"**_ Wright screamed.

" _Wow…_ Mr. Wright. That certainly is nice of you. Come on everyone!" Adrian waved to the audience. They raced off with Wright, reluctantly on top of the crowd. The curtains closed, leaving one occupant left. " _Foolish fools and their foolishly foolish emotions and drama!"_ She wiped the tear away from her eye before leaving the stage.


	23. We Know You're Lyin'

I actually thought of this before I saw the comic and wondered, "Why hasn't anyone else done this?!" And shoot, Someone did a comic! FF won't allow me to put up the links sadly... They're up on AO3, so is the rated version. Song & Comic belong to respectful owners.

* * *

"Remember what we rehearsed?" The blue attorney inquired with gusto.

"Yes, Boss! I was even practicing with Apollo!" Athena affirmed, her fist hitting her palm.

"Good! We have a client to defend." He winked.

"Yeah!" Athena turned to Apollo. "Just make sure you don't hit the Chords of Steel too hard."

"I can't exactly make that promise." His arms crossed, a smile grew on his face. "But I'll try my best!"

The witness took the stand, familiar to those of the court as he gave his testimony.

"You won't believe the week I just had! Listen, I heard the whole shooting! I ran for my life. It was down the hallway! Listen, I didn't see what happened! I didn't kill anybody! You feel me! I didn't even know the victim! This the worst week I ever had!

" _ **OBJECTION!"**_

That signature bang from the defenses bench radiated through the space of the courtroom. The sudden abruptness even caused the witness to flinch.

"Your Honor… the witness is lying!" Wright announced as he pointed his signature finger outwards.

"Can the defense prove this claim with evidence?" The judge questioned. "Can the defense actually prove this theory? Edgeworth echoed. "Knowing you, Wright, hopefully this isn't one of your bluffs."

"You don't have to worry about that, Edgeworth." Wright said with a sly grin. "The defense has it covered."

The Wright Anything Trio displaced themselves from the defense's bench. They walked up to the witness, staring him down. His complexion bleak. "Every time, out of all the cases I have ever taken, I always wished there would be at least one witness who spoke the truth, but that never happens." Wright spoke out. Before Edgeworth could make an objection, they separated. From left to right, Apollo, Athena and Phoenix huddled.

"I wonder if he knows that we know he's lying right now." Wright thought out loud.

"Oh you didn't kill the victim. Hehe. Hmm I perceive you." Apollo added.

"That's your alibi? Hmm that's nice" Athena joined. "Hmm that's it. Okay I hear you."

Wright said, "But uhm, I just wanna know one thing. You ready?"

Edgeworth's eyes grew wide. ' _NGOOH! They're not going to do what I think they're going to do!'_

" _Why the Hell you lying_

 _Why you always lying_

 _Hmmm ohh my god_

 _Stop freaking lying_

 _Always lying to me (why?)_

 _You lying so much (why?)_

 _You making it hard for me."_

" _Every time you tell me something I figure that you lying_

 _Always almost like you faking (oh yeah)_

 _Yeah I know you lying_

 _But you sound exciting_

 _And you know that I know that you lying_

 _Oh the dischord!_

 _Imma keep on bluffing to you (yeah)_

 _Until you think it's the truth (mmhmm)_

 _Now sir, I know you're tensin'_

 _My bracelet is reactin'_

 _You don't know what I wanna know_

 _Why the Hell you lying_

 _Why you always lying (why?)_

 _Ooooooooh my god_

 _Stop freaking lying (Why?)_

 _Always lying to me (too much)_

 _You lying so much (you know)_

 _You making it hard for me_


	24. Hawkridge

I'm at it again. And of course, products/characters belong to respected owners.

* * *

The Ace Attorney could only laugh. Certainly, this would be an easy match for him even though he was not currently present in a courthouse, but back where he was, before his lawful intervention, the Borscht Bowl Club. It certainly has been a few years since his last visit, but he respectfully participated in this unorthodox poker game again. There was no need to worry. Apollo, Kristoph, prosecutor Payne and the Judge would not be participating again in this game. No. After ordering his bowl of Borscht, which he had only took a sip of, he awaited his challenger. Certainly, out of the challengers he had ever faced in the confines of the underground poker pool, he did not expect a challenge from this person.

He turned towards the familiar doorway that led to the basement, compliments of the owners underground ring, but he needed not to worry. This was merely all for fun. Though no items on. Best out of three stocks. This was his final destination… or perhaps his opponent. Only time and skill will tell. The familiar creaks of the wooden rundown stairs, the grey concrete that isolated the noise of the competition and the musk of the unventilated frigid air left him unfazed. Clearly, this was once his home, but this is but a territory of his domination as poker king. As he entered, he picked up a bottle of that sweet pungent substance he loved to bask in before seating himself across the table. The frigid bottle was aged, perfect, fermentation allowing to kick in on the taste of the violet fruit flavor.

The very sound of steps and door creaking was but a habit he once enjoyed before bringing on the salt and bitterness of his opponents out.

"So…," the attorney began, a sly grin on his face. "You actually came. He took a swig of the grape juice.

"It is unlike a true warrior to reject a challenge such as this… Wright-dono." The twisted samurai smirked. "Your poker crown will concede before me."

"Before we begin this match… Tell me, where did you get your skills of poker from?" Wright questioned.

"A dark place that held me within bars." He raised his head as well as Taka. "Whatever lackey dare not fight me, but challenge in a small game of wit. I humored them."

"Hmmm…" The attorney finally put down the now half-empty bottle of grape juice. "Don't want to keep you waiting then. I don't want those so called skills to leak out of you."

"Your tongue is sharp, Wright-dono." His index finger pointed threateningly his iaijutsu technique at the blue attorney. "Let's see how it looks like out of your mouth."

"Alright…" Wright fixed himself, "Let's do this."

The dealer entered the room, handling two decks, red and blue. He remembered those cards well. The dealer started with the blue deck before quickly shuffling the cards. The two eyed each other with competitiveness. The light gusts from the dealer's shuffling was sent flying towards their faces. The chips scattered the table after many games. Wright didn't think the twisted samurai could get this far, but this sparked that inept challenge that sent curls in his chest. The red deck was for the last game usage. Oddly enough, it was getting really warm in the room, almost too much to bear. Was he nervous? This couldn't be. He had years of experience of the prosecutor, then again, if he thought about it correctly, perhaps he only had a year of experience over the samurai if Simon spoke the truth. What would all this come to? What was on the line? His rep? His undefeated crown? _What's that smell?_

 _'I couldn't get a read on him…'_ Phoenix thought dreadfully. The hawk on Simon's shoulder stared at him menacingly before squawking at the attorney. He knew this was the last hand of the game. _'Is he bluffing?'_

This game was tense. _'I should've brought Trucy. Surely, if Taka was allowed in here, so would she?'_ He wasn't comparing Trucy to an animal, but he didn't know why the atmosphere was so tense. _'Why am I so sweaty?'_

Taka crowed again. Wright couldn't help but finally stare at the hawks.

 _'Wait… Hawks?'_

Taka, Taka, and Taka stared him down. One resting on the table, another on Simon's shoulder, while the last one stood on the forearm of his holding hand. No. That can't be right. He couldn't be this nervous. His nerves were just getting to him.

 _'Why did I wear this sweater again?'_ Beads of sweat began to pour down Wright's face, unlike the prosecutor in front of him, stood smirking. Taka came flying down, occupying the vacant shoulder of the samurai where the other Takas did not, further tormenting Wright with more squawking.

 _'Relax…'_ Wright thought to himself. The thought itself almost coming out as a huff. He stared down at his own cards, a perfect Royal Flush in red hearts. _'...This hand is unbeatable!'_

Wright kept the poker face despite the bullets he was sweating incriminating him. Another squawk arose him from thought. Simon was no longer holding his cards. The red side visibly shown, flat. Another Taka stood on his lap as another Taka threatened Wright with his wingspan spread, standing valiantly on top of Simon's head.

 _'Wait… What?'_

The Takas kept squawking and cawing at the defense attorney. _They just kept coming!_

 _'Huh?'_

Wright turned to see another Taka drinking from his grape juice. _**SQUAWK!**_

 _'W-what?'_

His head spun. Another Taka was eating from the barely touched Borscht. _**SQUAWK!**_

They just kept screaming at him: Taka, Taka, Taka, Taka, Taka, Taka, Taka, Taka, Taka, and Taka. The samurai kept his wicked grin.

There was another Taka on the piano. _ **SQUAWK!**_

The painting in the back was of Taka! _ **SQUAWK!**_

 _'No…'_ Wright thought desperately.

He felt a shuffling in his sweater. He peered down, to see another Taka, poking his head out of the fabric. **_"SQUAWK!"_**

 ** _'And I fold…'_**

Wright couldn't even look in the direction of the samurai. He couldn't even see his own hand put down those cards. He was too ashamed. He had lost. _His reputation… Gone…_

 _'Take care of my crown…'_

Simon smirked before removing a can of hypoallergenic deodorant from his coat before spraying it in his general direction. Wright finally grew the courage to see what the can said, _'Gyaxa?'_

The secret passage way door busted open, breaking from the hinges and sending it hurtling towards the dealer. Wright startled before throwing himself off his chair. A segway pulled up from the dark depths, _" **AHA!** See!_ What did I tell you, Simon!?"

 _"For once…_ the senile old man is right." Simon spoke highly as he scratched all the Takas' heads, each one getting at least one finger of attention, some had to share.

"What are you talking about?!" Wright yelled.

"Gyaxa is now heading onto greater reaches in the hygienic universe!" Yuri's arm reached far.

"It's is true, Wright-dono…" Simon happily glared. _"Hawkridge…"_

All the Taka's grabbed the samurai by his arms as they flew away into the hole Yuri came from, along with Yuri himself.

Wright gobsmacked, _**"What just happened...?!"**_


	25. Amargo

_**I'M TRIGGERED!**_ JK. I'm not like that. I honestly loved doing this one! Family Guy Ref

* * *

"Ahem. Mr. Armando, I do believe you should be more compassionate to the fairer associates of the office." Mr. Grossberg's mustache danced on his lip. "The rookie believes your ways are borderline onto misogynistic."

"Ha…!" Armando merely laughed at the senior attorney. "The kitten needs to sharpen her claws. The courts are no playground for stray prey. It brings out the passion when pursuing the truth. That's one of my rules."

"Passion?" The older man eyed him oddly.

"I'm a very passionate man!" Armando sipped his coffee. "Have you seen my spanish soap opera?"

"Well… _erhm…"_ Grossberg stuttered before reminiscing on Armando's recent role on the novella, _Amargo._

The title had cursive unveiling to as it entered the screen, a jazzy and passionate vibe gained by the song, ' _The Fragrance of Dark Coffee'_. Diego came into his home, his blood red shirt and beige vest fastened on him. The familiar scenery gave him that feel of home and completeness. Up the stairs, he saw the love of his life. Her dress mimicking the dark red as her brown eloquent hair dragged behind her from her dash.

" _Mi amor!"_ The passion dripped from the woman's mouth. Mia Fey ran down the stairs ever ready to embrace the love in front of her.

Armando was ready to return the favor. This would only ever be the times in he would place down his mug of coffee. As she came closer, their arms raised towards each other, ready to reveal the love between them, Armando raised his hand slapped the woman to the ground. _She fell. Guitar strings played._

In the next room, a girl came racing down, the familiar brown pretzel hair, ever so happy to see the man in red.

" _Papa!"_ Pearl screamed happily as she ran towards Diego. Diego leaned down lightly, making sure the girl would land right onto him from her small stature. As her embracing came ever close, Armando raised his hand once more and slapped the girl to the ground. She fell. _The guitar strings strummed once more._

" _Niño!"_ Misty Fey came running from the side room, ever so glad he was home, just like those before him. He smirked, this one he had no trouble. She was the mother-in-law of course. As she came with her widest grin, he gave her a good backhand. _The guitar was played._

Diego picked up his mug, gave the unconscious women who now occupied the floor a quick glance before tipping his head back, " _Bueno…"_

The attorney hurried out the house before entering his coffee car for the next brewing episode.

Grossberg grumbled. Diego emphasized with his mug, "Can you not feel the passion? How do you think I made Blend _#107?"_


	26. I Object

I'm so dumb, but it was inspired by a comic I saw and I laughed so much harder than I should have. Credit URL is in AO3

* * *

Apollo was entirely confused. It never really was a direct question, but merely an arrangement of words he wanted to clear out. He's used this phrase numerous times to the point he lost count. Chords of Steel all the way when saying the most notorious phrase bigger than B.I.G. Yet during law school, which taught him proper procedures, the trials, the coursework, and associations and rights of their client and their own, Apollo just never seemed to get this idea out. ' _Maybe it's not meant to be asked, but it won't hurt to know.'_

Apollo walked up to the senior attorney of the office, busily working at his desk. "Mr. Wright?"

Phoenix looked up at the red attorney, "Yeah, Apollo."

Apollo shrugged a bit, somehow trying to think of a way to word the question correctly. "During trials, whenever there is a contradiction in testimonies we always yell out, "OBJECTION!"

"Easy with the noise level there." Mr. Wright straightened himself. "We do. Is that a question or a statement?"

"I wanted to ask, why don't we just say, ' _I Object'?"_ Apollo asked. "Sure, it feels better to say Objection!, but I was just wondering."

Mr. Wright sighed. It leaned more into the discontented rather than catching his breath. "You really want to know, Apollo?"

"Yes, Mr. Wright." Apollo listened attentively.

"Alright." Wright leaned against the desk, "There are two reason actually. One, being that we don't want a giant corporation known as Apple putting a giant ™ on that word." Wright coughed, barely hiding the mirth behind it. "Reaction…"

' _That really doesn't sound like a good reason.'_ Apollo winced. "The other?"

"Well. The other is because one time during a case. This was back in the day before I met you." Wright waved his hand in emphasis, "I had that very same thought. _Psh!_ I love saying OBJECTION! It feels good on the lungs, the pose and it just looks really cool. Though my once faithful assistant one time insisted that it was a bit dorky. What would she know?" Wright laughed.

' _It's cool doing the pose!'_ Apollo thought inwardly. "Yeah?"

"But I'll tell you why. There was one case I took where in that day in particular got a bit interesting in that courtroom. I decided to change it up a bit and yell, ' _I Object!'_ and then…" Wright trailed off.

* * *

The judge looked entirely stunned as if a bomb blew up the courthouse. Mr. Wright and even the prosecution saw the horror in the judge's face. It was a similar expression that the judge made when once sharing the time about how his grandchild got hurt. A sort of sadness filled his eyes until the judge had to put his gavel and head down. Phoenix felt this overwhelming dread sting his chest, ' _Did I do something wrong? Did the judge receive a bad phone call recently? Is he ill?!'_

The judge rose suddenly from his chair, walking down the tall pedestal where he stood. Phoenix was quite shocked, he never saw the judge do this. EVER. The older man walked up to Wright, giving him an expression of sadness, yet a bit of hope in his eyes. The judge embraced Wright. The attorney's first instinct was to stiffen. He couldn't move. He was entirely confused. The prosecution and gallery were gobsmacked. ' _What's going on here?!'_

The judge gave Wright's back a small pat before releasing him. "No Wright. _U human."_

Wright froze. Literally time, space and his heart stopped. The judge walked back up to his mantle. A tear escaped Wright's eye, partially melancholy, another of joy.

* * *

"So you're telling me, it's because the judge saw you as a person, not an object?" Apollo felt his horns drag down.

"That pretty much sums it up." Wright said nonchalantly, "Are you satisfied with your answer?"

"It's a little over dramatic to me…" Apollo spoke.

"Well… Maybe you'd understand one day." Wright went around his desk and went back to work.

Later that night, Apollo couldn't sleep. He stood awake and couldn't help but sob, "That's the sweetest thing I ever heard!"


	27. NSFW

"Hey, Athena." Mr. Wright called lowly.

"Yeah, Boss?" Athena gladly walked up to the older gentleman.

He appeared disheveled and disturbed as soon as she walked up to him. She could sense that he wasn't feeling right. He appeared a little pale and shuffled in his seat a bit before eyeing her. "You know a lot about computers, right?"

"Well, I do have Widget, Mr. Wright. I am not a professional," she paused before throwing her signature sign in front of him, "But I will do whatever I can to solve any technical issues!"

"Okay… Good…" He huffed lightly. "I believe it may have to deal with more internet-wise issues than hardware."

"What is it? You don't think that the cookies on the computer are actually edible?" She laughed.

"No, Athena." He deadpanned. "I have concerns with certain things on the computer and I am not too tech-savvy to figure it out. Come here."

He beckoned her closer. She now faced the screen with her boss at the side. He appeared to be on a general web search browser. "Is it the speed of the internet? I don't see anything wrong so far."

"Not yet. Hold on." Mr. Wright began typing. As soon as he did, words that were recently searched were highlighted in different colors compared to the suggested searches. Athena immediately burned and tinged in pink. "Do you know what that is?"

She read the words. More like acronym.

 _NSFW_

"Uhm… Boss." Athena started. "That means Not Safe For Work."

"That's what I figured I should ask you what this is." He looked at her. "Would this cause some kind of malfunction or something. This is an office and if it is not safe then _-"_

"That's not what it means." She swallowed. ' _Who on EARTH is searching this stuff on Mr. Wright's computer?! The man can barely turn on the computer without our help!'_

"Then what is it?" Phoenix was genuinely confused.

Athena stopped to think. ' _No one is on Mr. Wright's computer. Apollo has his own desktop and I have Widget… That means the only person who could search this is… NO! It can't be. But I don't have any evidence, so I can't be pointing fingers yet.'_

"Listen… Mr. Wright." Athena stifled several times. Explaining this to her boss was one of the last things she ever wanted to do. "Not Safe For Work means… Well…" She pondered. ' _Should I use euphemism? Or do I come out professionally? UGH! Why me!?"_

Mr. Wright can see the yellow attorney frazzled, gripping the fabric of her glove hard. "Is it something really bad?"

"Mr. Wright…" She finally regained her seriousness. "Just as it sounds, it's not entirely safe to watch during a place such as work. Content like this normally contains things you can say are unsuitable for the younger audience. If you know what I mean?" The words nervously going through gritted teeth.

"You're telling me this could be something provocative or worse?" She can see his face morphing between concern and disgust.

"Yes."

Athena could hear his heart thumping with several emotions, joy was definitely not included. "Who would do this...?"

"I don't know, Boss." She took the mouse, "maybe looking at the times the searches were done, we could narrow down who did."

"Alright." He settled in his seat while he watched Athena investigate. She typed it the word in again and reached for the mouse to click 'Search'.

As soon as she clicked, she heard a yelp and an explosion.

She ducked immediately under the desk in pure instinct and covered her ears. A few moments later, she peered up to search for the source. The office was completely fine. Spiffy and clean, not a scratch in sight. ' _My goodness! Where did that come from?'_

Searching more, the computer was just fine, but…

' _Where did Mr. Wright go?!'_

She turned back to where he was sitting, only to find a pile of ash. "MR. WRIGHT! OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED!?"

Athena's scream managed to get attention of the magician. "Athena?! What happened?! Why are you screaming?"

"Mr. Wright! He… _He…!"_ She struggled through her sob. ' _No… This child is about to find out that her father died of spontaneous human combustion!'_

"Oh… no… Daddy…" Trucy squeaked.

The yellow attorney walked up to the blue magician before gathering her in her arms. "I'm sorry… I don't know what happened!" She tried to remain calm, but failed through the bluff. "I was just trying to help him figure out a computer search and he just bursted into flame and ash! I'm so sorry, Trucy!"

Athena continued to sob more, saddened by her boss's untimely demise. But now was not the time to be sad, she was more than sure that Trucy would have a worse time of coping with this than she would. She finally gained the courage to look at the magician before halting. There was not one tear on Trucy's face. In fact, she looked entirely unphased.

"Oh… It's fine, Athena." Trucy smiled.

"Trucy! How can you say that?!" Athena gasped. ' _It's only been a few moments and she's already over her father's death!'_

"I guess he forgets every time. Well… that's a little good for me." She tipped her hat.

"Forget what!?" Athena was now aggravated, clamping her fists tightly. "What's good?!"

"He looked up _NSFW_ again, didn't he?" Trucy crossed her arms, thinking. "I don't think he remembers the moments before he does."

"Wait… THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE?!" Athena screamed.

"Yeah!" Trucy leaned on her heels. "A Phoenix always comes back from its ashes."

As soon as Trucy said those words a sudden pop emanated the room. They both turned to see Wright back on his chair, completely unscathed. "Hey Trucy! Hi Athena."

The yellow attorney's mouth dropped before staring back at the magician. "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!?"

Trucy decided to cut to the chase before Athena had an official mental breakdown. "Okay. Do you know what NSFW means?"

"It means Not Safe For Work." Athena answered. "That's what it means, right?"

"No!" Trucy explained. "NSFW means Not Safe For Wright!"

"How does that make sense?!" Athena yelled back. "Don't you think if you would search it up, you would blow up too!"

"No way." Trucy sneered. "Daddy isn't my biological father. So it doesn't affect me."

"Oooooooh…"

"Hey, Athena." Mr. Wright called lowly.

"Yeah, Boss?" Athena walked up to the older gentleman.

"You know a lot about computers, right?" He asked. "Do you know what this means?"


	28. Flashlight

Short & Dirty: Classic Dirty Joke!

* * *

"I didn't think I would be back here again…" Phoenix lowly inquired. ' _This place holds some memories, most of them bad, but I have an investigation.'_

"One of your old cases?" Athena asked.

"Yeah." He answered as they walked around the crime scene of Gourd Lake. The park was warm, yet it had taken a while for them to finish talking to their witnesses and client that it had gotten late. It was rather dark especially without any overhead lights to shine down on the path.

"Let's make this quick. Hopefully we can continue by tomorrow." He turned his head. "Where is Apollo?"

"He's looking in the bushes to see if anyone dropped anything over there." Athena pointed.

"That's good. The more hands, the better, especially now with the grassy areas."

They began their investigation. Apollo searched in the bushes, Phoenix searched around the path as Athena checked under benches to find any clues. The evening had soon turn to night.

Phoenix huffed, it was getting way too dark to see now. "Darn. I wish I had a flashlight."

Athena stood up with a stretch, "Me too… Apollo has been over there eating Charley's grass for the past 15 minutes…"

"Huh?!" Apollo had deer in the headlight eyes as he arose from behind the bushes, leafy greens occupied his mouth as Charley had a decent patch of leaves missing on his lower stem.


	29. Gumshoe's Absence

A/N: I am working on requests, so be patient, please.

 **Ever wondered why gumshoe has been gone?**

* * *

"My goodness!" Wright stared at the clad detective. "Detective Gumshoe?! How have you been? I haven't seen you in a long time."

This overwhelming sensation of relief and nostalgia brushed over him as he saw the scruffy detective. No longer sporting that old dirty trench coat he constantly brought along with him on his back, but with a brand new beige one. He unexpectedly looked slightly more classy, even if that is hardly possible for this oaf of a detective.

"Hey pal, yeah it's been a while." Gumshoe responded cheerily. "I'm doing great. I was finally reinstated after a while."

"Reinstated? You were fired?!" Phoenix yelled almost in shock. Concerned curiosity was seeping slowly into dread and guilt when he may have quickly come to a conclusion that it may have actually been Phoenix and Maya's fault for causing his shortcoming. Though it may not have been voluntarily their fault for his negligence and leaking out authorized intel on them without realizing it. "How come? It wasn't us, was it?"

Gumshoe shook his head nonchalantly. "Nah pal. It was something else." He scratched his head. "After the few cases I took with Mr. Edgeworth for a good several years, I managed to buy myself a better phone."

Gumshoe pulled out the cellular device. Wright mulled over it lightly. It was actually way more advanced compared to his brick of a phone. "I can tell. You have better quality garbs on too."

"Yeah, well. Not only the clothes changed, but I thought to myself, ' _hey, since I no longer eat just plain old ramen and a got myself a new coat, why not go more ahead.'_ I thought I'd get to know technology a little better, so I got a new phone. It had all kinds of neat stuff, Internet and a camera."

"Wow…" Phoenix sagged. "Your phone has a camera…" He moped, ' _And Internet…'_

"Yeah, pal!" Gumshoe tilted his head triumphantly. "So, I thought I'd work on this new thingamajig and well…" He moped. "It got me in a bit of trouble."

"How?" Phoenix asked.

Gumshoe scratched his head once more, "You know how kids are these days. They do this thing called a "selfie."

"Oh. I know that." Phoenix reconciled. "Athena, Pearl and Trucy always try to crowd us into one huge photo."

"I didn't really see myself as photogenic, but I thought, what the hell? I took a nice pic of myself and decided to send it to Maggey. It took her a while. She sent one of those ' _blush emojis'_ and said ' _thank you.'"_

Phoenix's brows furrowed. "I don't see how that got you into trouble."

"I'm heading to that part, pal." Gumshoe wearily spoke. "So I decided to send it also to the chief prosecutor. And I got suspended for a bit..."

' _WHAT?!'_ The internal scream was so loud, it almost erupted from the lawyer's lips. "Edgeworth suspended you?! Why?"

"It took me a while to realize too! Though, it was almost half a year until I realized there was no check coming in."

' _That sounds more like fired to me…'_ Phoenix inwardly thought. "Did you see Edgeworth why he suspended you? There must have been some misunderstanding."

"Sure did, pal…"

* * *

"There's something wrong, pal. You haven't received a check in almost half a year nor any cases since!" Maggey cried loudly. "What happened? Did you get fired?"

"Mr. Edgeworth, fire me? No way, Maggey." Gumshoe responded. "He isn't like that! I haven't done anything wrong… Not that I know of…"

Maggey crossed her arms, "Dick, please look into this. I'm very concerned now. I know Edgeworth would have been concerned for you by now too. Go to Criminal Affairs and see why you haven't received anything from them."

"Aww… Okay…" Gumshoe moped.

The drive there wasn't rushed, nor was he taking his time either. The chief of police gave him a funny stare as he came into Criminal Affairs. "Detective Gumshoe? Why are you here?"

"Why am I here? I work here, Pal!" Gumshoe yelled. "Why haven't I received a check or any work recently?"

"The Chief Prosecutor told us to suspend you for misconduct…" The Chief spoke.

"Misconduct!" Gumshoe yelled. ' _I don't remember doing anything bad… except that time the guy in blue yelled at me for handing that little girl a gun...'_

"Why?"

"Why don't you ask him." The Chief pointed. "Head to the prosecutor's office."

Gumshoe walked towards the office that was just across the street. The scruffy detective was _never_ riled up, and _never_ just happened. He would never think the prosecutor which he had worked for years with would do this to him without even sending him a message! He told off the receptionist and went up to the prosecutor's office.

"Mr. Edgeworth!" The detective yelped into the office.

"Gumshoe…" Edgeworth deadpanned as he put down the files he was working with. "May I help you?"

"Sir! Why would you suspend me?!" Gumshoe almost looked like he was going to cry. "What have I done that caused you to do that?!"

Edgeworth walked around his desk and approached the detective with a grimace. "I would have thought you'd come around to it sooner. Six months ago, you sent me an image which I can insinuate is quite inappropriate." He crossed him arms, tapping his bicep, "which caused me to take action."

"What picture?" The detective winced.

"The one you sent to my phone some time ago." He turned several shades of red.

"Picture…" The detective's eyes roved around in ponderance. "You mean… the one I sent you of me?"

"Yes…"

"Sir, there was nothing inappropriate about it, I just sent one of those ' _selfies'_ people are doing nowadays." He explained.

"Then please explain to me, detective, why it says…" The prosecutor paused before sputtering, "Dick Pic?"

The detective saw the prosecutor's face turn crimson as his clothing. "Sir!" Gumshoe yelled. "I would never send a picture of… that!"

"Then explain, detective, in fifty words or less..."

"I was just taking a self portrait picture of myself," he skimmed through his phone where the conversation between him and Edgeworth were. "See!"

The detective touched the image before it started to download, Edgeworth wanted to look away before it appeared, but as the loader stopped turning, it was actually a picture of Gumshoe with a stupid grin. Edgeworth let out a huff, "So… I guess my skepticism has gotten the better of me."

He turned back to his desk, "Forgive me, Detective Gumshoe. I will tell the Criminal Affairs to remove you from suspension."

Gumshoe breathed a sigh of relief, before staring at the prosecutor, "Thanks, sir, but I was wondering..."

"What detective?"

"Why is that you think I sent you that picture without presuming what it was?"

Miles turned several shades of pink once more before turning his view away. "I've had… terrible experiences before…"

"Welp, pal! I hope we get over this!" Gumshoe giddily walked out of the office.

* * *

Phoenix's mouth flopped open and closed like a fish before answering, "So, the chief thought you sent him a nude?"

"Yeah…Turns out, my phone had old style texting where my signature of my name comes up before the text. Quite embarrassing really." He shook.

"Well… Welcome back, Gumshoe."

"Thanks, pal."

* * *

Later that night, Edgeworth looked nervously at his phone when it chimed, an unnamed image and phone number popped on his screen. As soon as it downloaded out of fear, he read the message _, "Like what you see, Edgey-poo?"_

" _ **CONFOUND IT, WOMAN!"**_


	30. Abridged to the Turnabout

This piece was inspired by a tumblr post. I can't find it though. I'm sorry.

* * *

Grabbing his knees and panting before he finally made another attempt to jump over an obstacle, he finally stopped at the top of the ledge in Hazakura.

"That… was… too close...!" He heaved heavily. He saw the cursed bridge that had once broken under his weight and made him fall nearly a hundred feet to the cold and rapid waters down below. He never thought in his life, he would be doing this again. The bridge finally collapsed after the strangely conveniently placed axe nearby cut the rope of the bridge, viewing the fall of the whip happy boss falling to their doom. " _ **Curse you, Phoenix Wriiiiiiiiight!"**_

The voice echoed throughout the walls of the mountainous terrain, coming to a halt after a loud splash of water. He sighed with relief, "knowing my luck, I really hope I don't have to fight her again!"

He fixed his jumper and hat before standing up straight. Wright momentarily stopped on how chaotic the world had gotten. The terrain oddly changed everywhere he went. From concrete cities, to deserts, to green lands and finally this cold snowy place of Hazakura, not to mention there were human sized turtles and weird brown mushroom things running around. Worst of all was that all the prosecutors were heavily armored versions of those turtles ferociously after him like the silver haired one that just fell to the water. Their weapons were either throwing hammers, cups of coffee, whiplashes, fireballs and shells. Wright somehow got lucky with it all by bashing his head on yellow floating boxes all around the place, which gave him enough stamina to make it. But all the thoughts came to a halt when he realized he had one extremely important objective to do.

 _ **Save Maya.**_

He thought it was ironic how almost the same events happened again. _Almost._ He walked up to the entrance of the ominous cave where mediums would train and where Maya was once trapped, now trapped again. ' _Please be here!'_ Phoenix internally begged.

As soon as he came to the foot, a small figure with a mushroom head with pink dots came out. He startled and fell backward in surprise. The small figure walked up to Phoenix, he then realized who it was, "Pearl?"

Her mushroom looking head wasn't that pretzel hairstyle he always remembered. She gave him a look of somber before helping him to his feet. "I'm sorry, Mr. Nick, but your princess is in another castle."

" _ **Dammit!"**_


	31. Domestic Dispute

Before you ask, yes I am working on requests.

* * *

"All Rise."

The judge marched to his grand seat, allowing him to see all sides of the court, prosecution, defense, and the gallery. As he calmed his nerves, he spoke, "Please be seated."

Surely, being in the court for most of his life, he would wager he'd seen everything that the world had to throw at the law. Yet, it just gets crazier and crazier.

The judge cleared his throat. "The court has been brought a civil case. The plaintiff versus the defendants…" He paused. "The plaintiff wishes to sue the defendants for compensation and years of domestic violence and public abuse upon this courtroom."

The judge looked down to see the witness stand, occupied with most of every lawyer and prosecutor he had sported in Mr. Wright's cases. Mia Fey, channeled by Maya, remained determined and poised on her side of the defense bench. On the witness stand there stood Phoenix Wright, Athena Cykes, Apollo Justice, Miles Edgeworth, Franziska von Karma, Diego Armando, and Simon Blackquill. All stood cooped up in the tiny spot. The prosecution growing more impatient as time went by.

"This is ridiculous." Miles Edgeworth tapped his bicep.

"This is completely foolish! How could I be charged with domestic and public abuse?!" Franziska stammered.

' _I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier,'_ Phoenix thought.

"How could any of us be charged?! Boss! Do something!" Athena yelled over.

"Don't worry…" Phoenix stated, "The chief will defend us all." He slumped sweaty. ' _Somehow…'_

"Ms. Mia Fey! You can do this!" Apollo cheered.

"From your loud mouth to the judge's ears, Justice-dono." Simon mumbled.

"I will defend you all. I promise." Mia crossed her arms determined.

They all stood side by side, awaiting for the plaintiff to talk. The judge nodded, allowing the plaintiff to stiffly rise from the chair. "Your Honor, it is not only I who wishes to sue, but all of my kind from the same court who have suffered from the harsh abuse from both the prosecutors and defense attorneys. Those who have caused so many years of grief upon us!"

"I am aware of that, plaintiff…" The judge nodded. "Now, give your testimony."

"Haha! With pleasure!" The plaintiff spoke.

As the plaintiff waddled over, they lifted a board, flipping the pages displaying all the pieces of evidence.

"Exhibit A!" The plaintiff pointed showing two pictures of Mr. Wright from his earlier times to now. "You can see Mr. Wright abusing one of my kind here! Look at the savagery!"

Mr. Wright winced, sweating a puddle. " _It's…!_ Not what it looks like…"

"Tell it to the judge, spikey!" The plaintiff retorted. They flipped the next page, "Exhibit B!"

The next photo was of Miles Edgeworth, "See here, out of frustration and spite this ' _prosecutor'_ pummeled another one of my kind!"

The gallery gasped hard. Edgeworth threw himself forward, gritting his teeth, "It wasn't out of spite! This is ludacris!"

"No… That is not the hip hop singer," The judge shook his head. "Shame on you, Mr. Edgeworth. That most certainly is you."

" _ **N-n-n-nghoooh!"**_ Edgeworth fell to the floor, cradling himself.

"Little brother, pick yourself up from that dirty floor!" Franziska commanded.

"Exhibit C!" The plaintiff yelled, restoring everyone's attention. "You don't land that far, _Ms. Perfection!"_

"Excuse me?!" Franziska yelled. She saw the evidence, showing her whip happy, colliding her weaponized whip against one of the plaintiff's kind. "This is absurd. I did it merely out of gaining the attention of the foolishly foolish fool on the defense of the time!"

"Your Honor… The defendant has just admitted their guilt." The plaintiff informed.

The judge nodded heir head. "Agreed."

"What?!" The angry german woman stared daggers at the smug plaintiff. "I will give you domestic abuse, right here and now!"

The leathery whip was readied, most of the witness stand ducking from impact, she was taking no prisoners. "Bailiff, restrain Ms. von Karma."

Before the whip was thrown, two bailiffs managed to apprehend the boiling red faced whip happy prosecutor, "I will not be detained! This case is a joke! Unhand me!"

The plaintiff snickered and the witness stand panicked as they saw her disappear behind the court doors. The judge huffed, "Ms. von Karma's actions was of contempt of court and will not go unpunished."

"Thank you, Your Honor." The plaintiff said pleased. "Moving onto Exhibit D!"

Mia's face scrunched sadly, ' _this is getting bad…'_

"Next we have, Mr. Diego Armando."

The ex defense attorney, now prosecutor, leaned forward amused, "I'm all ears."

"Ms. Lady von Whippingberg was not the only one who used objects for abuse." They turned, "not only did you throw your scalding hot cups at the defense, but also gave us a hit as well."

"You act like you're not impressed. Did you enjoy the bitterness?" He laughed.

"The walloping, no." The plaintiff returned to the board. "No further questions, Your Honor."

' _Diego! WHY?!'_ Mia yelled inwardly.

"Moving on many years later and we now have Mr. Justice. Manhandling another poor victim with both fists!"

' _How was I supposed to know?!'_ Apollo thought with his upper lip hanging, "I get into the moment sometimes!"

"In the moment of beating a poor victim!" The plaintiff stammered once more. With another page flip, there was Athena.

"What?! I'd never hurt you guys! I'm not like that?!" She yelled angrily. ' _Liar!'_ Monita yelled.

"You pressed your entire weight onto this impact." The plaintiff sobbed, "I even felt it…"

"Hmph!" Simon interrupted. "You call that a hit? There certainly is more umph in your argument then in your evidence."

"You don't land that far, you twisted samurai!" The plaintiff asserted. "You even broke your cuffs on us on several occasions! You should be restrained again, where you won't hurt any of us anymore!"

"I dare you!" Simon threatened, his finger at the ready.

"There will be no more fighting in this court." The judge intervened. "The plaintiff has made their argument… Defense?"

"Yes, Your Honor?" Mia said nervously.

"I believe it is time for your cross examination."

' _It's been years since I've been back and practiced law, so I am a bit rusty.'_ Mia thought. ' _But I have to defend them all… even if one is missing.'_

"We believe in you, Chief." Phoenix informed from the packed witness stand, trying to not to step on Edgeworth.

"You got this in the bag, Kitten." Diego leered.

' _Thank you, Diego. Thank you, Phoenix… I needed that.'_ Mia smiled fondly, ' _No matter how bad it gets!'_

"Your Honor… I am ready." With her determination growing, she slammed her hands on the bench.

" _OW!"_

They all gasped. The sound of breathing echoed the air, shocked. One of the gallery members fainted.

' _What just happened?'_ Mia thought. ' _Did someone just die?'_

"You slammed another one of us! _See, You Honor!"_ The Plaintiff Desk cried, "Do you not see the abuse we suffer! From either slamming, hitting, or beating us! And sometimes all three together! _Bench Lives Matter!_ We deserve our rights and justice upon these horrible people!"

"Ms. Mia Fey! In a very court of law!" The judge angrily opposed.

"I didn't mean to!" Mia flinched.

"The court finds the defendants…!"

 _ **GUILTY!**_

The gallery cheered, confetti fell upon the sweating faces of the attorneys. "The court grants compensation for all the benches of the court. Have the defendants escorted along with their lawyer."

" _ **NO!"**_ They screamed simultaneously.

As the bailiffs escorted all the reluctant accused, the judge announced, "case dismissed. Next we will have Wall vs. Prosecutor Klavier Gavin & Witness Stand vs. Kristoph Gavin."

He slammed his gavel.

" _Ow! You hit me!"_

The judge peered down, he saw the anvil shaking angrily, "I'm sueing!"

Everyone gasped once more. The judge shook his head nonchalantly, "You act like you haven't been through this before. Technically the gavel hit you. Court is dismissed!"

He gave it one extra slam, " _You like it anyway…"_


	32. Meme Attorneys

Serious Memes Alert. I apologize i advance. This was a year old chapter I never got to post. It's not complete, but some of these memes are extremely outdated. In case some may not know certain memes, I placed the name by the side and some are in the line itself. AO3 will have some pictures to certain memes. I can't post them here because of FFs restrictions. Some AA6 Spoilers!

* * *

"All your base are belong to us. Ha Ha HA!" - Godot (Zero Wing)

"Pheeny. What are those?!"

"Alright Team,… We need a new name for the office." - Dev Team

Wright Anything Agency.

Primary Colored Punchlines.

Wright & Co. Law Offices?

*throws out window* (Alright Team)

"Alright guys… We need a new in-game mechanic for the new ace attorney."

-Perception

! (New Idea)

"Kristoph… You've just activated my trap card.

NO! The Ace of Spades!? That's not possible!" - (Yu Gi Oh!)

"What if I told you, the witness is actually a ghost?" - Phoenix (Matrix Morpheus)

"I just met you and this is crazy, but here is my badge, let me defend you." (Call me Maybe)

Simon: "Want to know why a moon rock tastes better than a earth rock?"

Phantom: "How?"

Simon: "It's meteor."

"Thanks Junie, is this a tangerine?

Actually it's an orange. Did you just _misgender_ my fruit?!"

"WTF You Lyin'?" - Inner monologue for every witness ever

"Please Let this be a normal field trip." - Apollo

"With the Wrights? NO WAY"

"AWWWW!" - Apollo

"Where is your God now?" - Manfred von Karma

Maya/Burger, it was love at first bite.

"Still a better love story than Twilight."

"I'm on my dad's bike, broom broom! - Trucy

Trucy get off that. I'm selling it for your school lunch money." - Phoenix

Imagine all AA case victims as "Play of the Game." (Overwatch)

Trucy: Oh… Old boy!

Phoenix: Huh? Me? (Look what he's started)

Trucy: Uh, Uhm… Here.

Phoenix: What's this…?

Trucy: I dunno. I just got it over there in the hall. They told me to give it to the 'old boy in the blue suit and spiky hair. They said it was really important!

Phoenix: (What is this…? Looks like a page from a diary.) I'll give it a read later. *Notebook page added to the court record*

 _ **TO BE CONTINUED**_ ==

(Jo Jo's Bazar Adventures)

"Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?"

"How tough am, I?! I'll have you know I nearly lost my Dollie's necklace last week while rummaging in my dorm and I only cried for twenty minutes." - Phoenix (Spongebob)

"Stop right there, criminal scum. You violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit."

Mask De Masque: "Aw man…" (Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

"It's gonna be May." - Redd White (Justin Timberlake)

"There's a time and place for everything. You can't ride your bike here.

Nick… where did that come from?

I have no idea..." - (Professor Oak)

"Calm your tits.

No." - May

"When it comes to 16 years old Trucy, Mr. Wright, you are not the father." - (Maury)

"And then I said, ' _It's your story from here on out, Apollo.'_ " - Mr. Wright (And Then I Said)

"Pees'lubn Andistan'dhin… take the wheel." (Jesus Take the Wheel)

"I never asked for this." - Godot (Adam Jensen)

"Sorry, Mr. Nick, but your princess is in another castle." - Pearl (Toad)

Mr. Wright is indestructible like his Nokia phone.

What's that?

What's what?

That little red thing… Down there.

You're going to have to be more specific. Dahlia Hawthorne cursed me with colorblindness like the demoness she is…" - Godot (Pointy Bits)

"The enemy is a spy!" - Simon (TF2)

Shots fired!

(He's a phantom. Bobby Phantom)

Yo, Bobby Phantom, he was just thirty three

when the chief put him on a strange proceeding

It was designed to rehabilitate a detainee

He's gonna catch 'em all cause he is Bobby Phantom (Danny Phantom)

"You're mom is cool? Name three of her albums." - Apollo

Dahlia: "Hey, Feenie."

Phoenix: "HOLY HELL!"

(Liar Liar)

-Popped a Molly I'm sweatin! - Fawles (Trinidad James)

-Damn Dahlia, back at it again - Godot/Fawles/Swallow (Damn Daniel)

-Im legally blind. Mia I love you. P.O.P. Chug it down. (Donna Goudeau)

-Maya: Nick! There's the monkey.

Phoenix: Alright Maya, let's get back my badge!

Monkey: Hi I'm Paul! (Jimmy Neutron)

-Watch me whip, now watch me nae nae. - Franziska (Silento)

-My Dolly definitely cares about me see! *texts* Seen. (Text Seen)

-You just have to say that you're fine, but you're not really fine and you can't get into it because they'll never understand. - Adrian Andrews (Kim Kardashian)

" _I've seen things..._ done on that reception couch…" - Charley (I've seen things…)

"What does the Kitaki say?" - Kitaki (What does the Fox say?)

"You spilled my coffee…

I'm sorry.

You freaking witch." - Godot (PSA commercial)

"Have you ever been so mad that you made plates defy gravity?" - Kristoph (Have you ever been so mad…)

"You're a wizard, Larry!

I'm an artist…"

"Impossible is Nothing…" - Godot

"Is this the Wright Anything Agency?"

No this is Wright."

(No this is Patrick)

"I'll take a snackoo… and _EAT IT!"_ \- Ema Skye (Deathnote)

"Trust Nobody, Not Even Yourself." - Apollo

Ini Miney, Internet Death Hoax of 2016

Featuring Phoenix Wright & Apollo Justice in "Breaking Good"

"It's High Noon…" - Jake Marshall (Overwatch)

"Don't tase me, bro!" - Phoenix

Phoenix: "So… Maya should be almost done with her training?

Pearl: Yeah, things are getting pretty serious." (Pretty serious)

"There's no such thing as a half A press, you have to follow through. That's one of my rule." - Godot (Half A Press challenge)

"Hey! Athena?  
Yeah, Boss.

Is it true if I hit those targets 3 times I get a free mortgage?"

"When the court is in ashes, you have my permission to die." - The Phantom (Bane)

"Bluffing? Are you sure this will work, boss?

I have no idea. (Medic)

Yaoi hands? More like salad fingers…

"Drink All the Grape Juice!" - Hobo Phoenix (zionists)

After Hazakura, Phoenix and Maya celebrate by taking the Ice Bucket Challenge.

"You know I'd walk a thousand, Miles. Just to see you… Tonight! - Oldbag (1000 Miles)

I came in like a wrecking ball!" -Miles Cyrus

Athena is an MLP fan, referring to Ms. Fey as Maya Little Pony.

"We'll bang, okay?" - Everyone to Hobo Wright. (Mass Effect)

"Put 'em in a coffin" - All victims

"Well Excuse me, princess." - Mia

"Your tears are delicious!" - Redd White

Simon: "I can break these cuffs!

Bobby: You can't break those cuffs.

Simon: AAAAHHHHHH!" - Simon/Bobby

"Doodly Doodly Doop!" - Godot (Mr. Caffeine) 

' _Darn! I'm up to my last penalty. There's only one thing left to do.' "_ Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right A B Start."

What are you doing?

Trying to get extra stock." (Konami Code)


End file.
